Monday, September 15, 2008

To actually vomit would be a sign of weakness

Okay, so I was wrong in my post on Thursday about the 5K I'd be running. Turns out I did win my age group. What I'm wondering now is why does my age group suck so bad? It's not that I ran poorly; in fact my time of 22 minutes and change beat my goal of going under 24 by a significant margin. Not bad considering I'd never run a 5K and only had a vague idea of how long it would take me. Actually, that competitive drive I discussed on Thursday really kicked in at the end and nearly caused me to puke as I walked away from the finish (seriously, I was choking it down.) I gave it all I had and that was my personal victory.

But why was no one else in this race aged 25-29 able to finish ahead of me? The only reasonable answer I can come up with is that they didn't bother to show up. Here's my theory: Guys (and girls) in high school and college are all about sports and many of them actually participate. Then they graduate and get lazy. Sometime in their thirties or forties they realize the imprint in the seat of their office chair is getting wider by the year and decide to take up running. If I was a fourteen-year-old boy or a thirty-eight-year-old woman, I wouldn't have even placed in this particular 5K in my respective age divisions. Actually, I better get while the getting's good and keep entering races - next year when I hit 30 the competition will be considerably tougher.

Now that I've thoroughly insulted the other entrants (apparently few in number) in my age group, I'd like to congratulate my old friend Hightower (he of the indecipherable and grammatically atrocious, but generally funny, comments), who actually finished behind me in second place. It was cool that we went 1-2. I only wish he hadn't had to leave early and could have been there to accept his plaque. (And thanks for putting us up for the night, man.)

So have I convinced you yet of my humility and my conviction that winning my age group is due entirely to a weak field? Suckers. I fuckin' rule. Just check out the number on my lacquered fiberboard plaque:

Yeah.

(As if that wasn't enough, the winning would continue: I also won a door prize [a 20 oz. can of Utz Pub Mix] and later outlasted three of my friends in the traditional camping game of "Who's dumb enough to keep his arm submerged in the cooler full of ice longer than anyone else?", the latter of course being the proudest victory of the day.)

19 comments:

surviving myself said...

Damn dude, I think I can safely call you The Winningest Blogger I Know On The Internet.

Noelle said...

That's a pretty stellar time competition or no competition. I am totally going to work on my times now because I really want a plaque like that.

Courtney said...

Three wins in one day! That's a big day for Mickey.

I'm still pissed there weren't any awards for those of us who walked the Roman Rumble. I came in third, man, and the first two jogged part of the way and I consider that cheating. Where's my plaque?

nancypearlwannabe said...

Mickey's number one! Mickey's number one!

Congrats, dude. On the not puking, I mean.

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

Wait, is that you on your very own plaque?

Anonymous said...

i just want to thank everybody for their support. it has been a long time coming. i made the f'n blog. sorry we missed the camping, still to hot to sleep outside and i would have waisted you in the freeze out.

hightower

The Modern Gal said...

The Dutchess stole my question.

Exactly how many people in your age group competed?

The Modern Gal said...

Also, I think you should post that picture with your collection of blog awards.

beej said...

Does anyone else think it's awesome that the door prize at the fitness event is UTZ? 'Cause I do.

Also, good sporting, amigo.

em said...

Yay! Good for you! If you ever want a running partner, you know where to find me...

I like to run alone, but sometimes with another person next to me.

Jacob said...

Don't worry Mickey. You'll always be mediocre to me.

Meaghan said...

I hate to take your bragging down a notch, but, well, you apparently need someone to. Might I add that Chris and I beat you and your partner in hitting the little orange cones with the tennis ball? (What was the name of that game anyway?) But you were a good 3 out of four...

Just giving you a hard time! That's awesome that you came in first in your age group, and I totally agree with Courtney that the walker should have been shown some love.

Allie said...

That is one sweet plaque. It kind of has a NASCAR vibe to it. :)

Seriously, congratulations! Don't downplay it! You won!

Aaron said...

Well, well, well! Someone is an awesome dude at running hard! Congrats on showing your age group how it's done!

sid said...

Agh I can't wait for the fast to finish (and the weather to improve) so that I can start exercising again. I'd really like to reach that point where I can run a full 5K without stopping.

Rachel said...

I'm just impressed you ran for that long without dying. :) Congrats!

Chris said...

The rest of us just dropped out of the ice cooler competition due to lack of interest --- for the record.

Nice running, though. I believe someone told you last week that you would win your age group. We should have placed a wager on it.

Julie said...

Congratulations. I'm glad to see that the ass-imprint you're making on the couch didn't affect your ability to run fast.

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