Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Sometimes the previews ARE better

On Saturday, after I completely demoralized all other entrants in the 25-29 age group in a 5K race, the lady and I had some time to kill before meeting up with some old (increasingly in every way) college friends for a night of campfire gazing and beer swilling in the north Georgia woods. First, we redeemed the coupons for free Chick-Fil-A sandwiches that were included in our otherwise disappointing 5K goodie bags. After that, we took a drive through the campus of our alma mater and cursed our parents for not concieving us about eight years later so we could have enjoyed some of the amazing things the school has added since we graduated, like the new bajillion-dollar athletic center, two frisbee golf courses, and a dorm that probably doesn't yet smell like the petrified asshole of an alcoholic brontosaurus (I don't get it either.) As if I needed any more distractions from studying.

When we were finished our trip down kids-these-days-are-so-spoiled lane, we headed up the road to catch a matinee of Burn After Reading. The movie was okay; not the Coens' best work but still very entertaining. What dominated our post-screening conversation, however, was what came before the film. First up after the lights were dimmed was a music video, Kid Rock featuring Dale Earnhardt, Jr., that quite naturally turned out to be a recruiting ad for the National Guard. Hi-freaking-larious. I don't know exactly when a rap-metal greaseball from Detroit became the biggest Republican wet dream this side of Toby Keith, but Mr. Ritchie sure seems to relish the title. I can't be quite sure what Little E's role in this thing is, except to show how the life of a guy who drives in circles for millions of dollars a year exactly parallels those of the men and women who take bullets and lose limbs in Iraq and Afghanistan in the name of "freedom." The similarities are pretty obvious.



Immediately following this seemingly untoppable ridiculousness, it got even better: A full-on preview of a film called Fireproof, starring Kirk Cameron. They wanted to call it Backdraft II: God Hates Democrats, but the studio decided on a more moderate marketing approach.



Is this really going to be in theaters? It looks more like an after-school special or a straight-to-DVD release (which I think it probably will be for most of us), but good for Mike Seaver for getting it made despite the shitstorm of ridicule from people like me that he must have known would follow!

And then came the coarse language, graphic violence and zany characters that you would expect from the Coens. Someone else on the interweb stated that they saw the Fireproof trailer before Hamlet 2, a film featuring a song called "Rock Me, Sexy Jesus." Who does the marketing for these things?

14 comments:

Courtney said...

I'm still trying to figure out what Earnhardt Jr. has to do with Kid Rock or the National Guard. It's like, "Okay, we want you to go shoot people in Iraq for us, so here's a melodramatic power ballad from a Detroit greaseball. Wait, what? That's not enough? Okay then, here's some NASCAR. That's sure to bring them in!"

Also, you forgot to mention that the video can be downloaded for free. Because freedom is not free, but Kid Rock is.

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

And they have official run out of things to put on the big screen.

nancypearlwannabe said...

Kirk Cameron is going to be on the big screen?! How have I missed this vital piece of information?

It's really too bad he's a lunatic.

Anonymous said...

i saw fireproof and yes the acting is shy of Bruce Mcculloch but surpasses keono reaves(not worthy to be speeled right or capitolized), but it does have a great story relating to relationships.

hightower

Beej said...

The fact that we both mentioned Toby Keith in our blogs today is really, really wrong.

Allie said...

Wow -- I didn't mention Toby Keith on either blog today, and I'm feeling seriously left out.

"a dorm that probably doesn't yet smell like the petrified asshole of an alcoholic brontosaurus"

That's the funniest thing I've read in a very very very long time.

And yeah, both colleges I attended ramped things up after I left. That's what we get for being Xers in a world that caters to Y's and Boomers. Damn!

Rachel said...

A friend and I sat in stunned silence throughout the entire Dale Earnhardt Jr/Kid Rock debacle, then burst out laughing. Apparently Three Doors Down did a similar music video for the National Guard (we discussed it in class), but it was 18 million times less stupid than the Kid Rock one.

Aaron said...

Ah, rachel stole my thunder on the Three Doors Down thing. But it is true: I saw it with my mom sometime last year (yes, I go to the movies with my mom; deal) and it blew our minds. The song was called "Citizen Soldier" if I remember. In fact...

...Yeah, that's what I thought:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJRthpxDM10

Stefanie said...

Seriously... that Kirk Cameron movie is for real?? I laughed less during that crazy "God made the banana" video. (Please tell me you know what I'm talking about. If not, I will have to dig it up for you. Or perhaps, Aaron will, since I'm certain his blog is where I originally saw it.)

em said...

I hate those national guard movie commercials. dumb.

Meaghan said...

Were the sink holes just not good enough for you, Mickey? I know what you mean, though. Your alma mater has really been vamped up!

As far as the movie previews go, I'm pretty sure the fans of the Coen brothers will not be watching anything with Kirk Cameron in it. Know your audience, people!

Jacob said...

That movie that they namedrop in the "From the creators of Facing the Giants" part was funded largely by a church in south Georgia and was in the top ten for most rented moves on Netflix in my region.

I am really confused about the Dale Jr. part in the Kid Rock video. I've got no problem with advertising for the armed forces, especially the National Guard, which is an important resource in domestic emergency relief, but that made no sense with the rest of the ad. Even the choice of music is irrelevant to me. Their target audience are high-school aged and recent graduates who are from poorer families and neighborhoods. I bet if you go to any boot camp, the average opinion of Kid Rock and Three Doors Down isn't as low as yours or mine.

But they are about four years behind the musical curve. More so for Kid Rock.

ck said...

c'mon, nobody liked k.r.'s AC-DC-esque cat screech? there's nothing like a power guitar riff and a humvee convoy to get that "america, fuck yeah!" feeling! seriously, it's good advertising for who they're trying to reach (which is not a bunch of pansy college-educated bloggers) so good for them. but not before a coen movie (read: audience is above bloggers) so, fail.

Julie said...

Hellooooo! Dale Jr is sponsored by the National Guard. They give him a ton of money, he uses his face to convince the white trash race fans to sign up for the cause.

Match made in heaven.

And Jacob has already explained the Kirk Cameron movie. If the conservative, religious mid-westerners can elect a president, they can certainly make a movie a success.