I said I'd post today and goddamnit, here I am.
But with nothing in particular to talk about, I thought I'd discuss a saying that I must spout off at least once a week. Of course it will always be open for amendment, but as of now it goes like this: "There's no such thing as bad beer, pizza, or ice cream." I mention this because I know someone will disagree, but allow me to defend my position before the debate rages.
Let's start with beer. There are a lot of shitty beers out there, famously sporting nicknames like Natty Light (Natural Light), the Beast (Milwaukee's Best), and the now less-common Shitz (Schlitz.) All of these are undoubtedly the worst representations of the craft of brewing, but they are all still beer and beer is good. I'm a bit of a beer snob myself, but I spent my latter college days working through sub-$6 twelve-packs of Southpaw Light, and I still feel that the worst pisswater you can find nonetheless deserves to be quaffed. Sure, I've met a few brews in my day that I'd prefer not to revisit, Heineken and Sweetwater Blue come to mind, but even these will probably do the trick with a hotdog in the other hand and a pitching duel or fourth-quarter comeback unfolding before me. Beer is good.
Pizza is also good. Remember that stuff they served in elementary school with the grid of tiny holes on the bottom of the rectangular, soggy crust and the little cubes of pepperoni? That crap had to be the worst pizza ever, but it was still good, especially sandwiched on the calendar between Meatloaf Monday and Salisbury Steak Wednesday. It's tough to fuck up bread + sauce + cheese + the nastiest geometrically uniform frozen meat they could find, and, try as they might, it was still the best thing on the menu. Because pizza is just good.
As is ice cream. Have you ever had bad ice cream? Me neither. Yeah, I know that stuff they sell in the grocery store in the three-gallon plastic buckets for three bucks probably is not quite as tasty as that $6 pint of Ben and Jerry's, but I bet it's still good as hell. I split the difference and go for the premium store brand and I'm a happy man. I once read about an ice cream shop in Hawaii that served salmon-flavored ice cream and included a bucket with every purchase for the adventurous glutton to then puke into. But I've never been to Hawaii and until I have, ice cream is good, period.
So that's my list. Three things that you can never go wrong with. Agree? Disagree? Any proposed amendments?