Thursday, September 11, 2008

Goin' racin'

I've never considered myself a competitive person. I think it's probably to my detriment, insomuch as I've just never felt the need to prove myself better than other people. This does not serve me well in competitive work environments, or at least it wouldn't if I ever found myself in a competitive work environment, a situation I've so far avoided, also to my detriment. Unless you count the competition Courtney and I have been having lately to see who can leave the deepest ass-print in our respective couches as we both sit and search for jobs.

While I may not be socially competitive (or at least not overtly so), I sure do like me some games. Give me a ball made from dead animal or a Trivial Pursuit board or a pile of rocks and something to throw them at and it's on. Still, I'm not that crazy asshole who will elbow his own grandmother's false teeth in just to get the lay-up, but there's no way I'm letting anybody win. I like to compete, maybe not at the game of life, but definitely at games.

And I'll watch them, too. I don't care what sport you want to throw up on the TV screen, I'll watch it. If they can figure out how to make grass-growing a competitive endeavor, I'll tune in. Even the sports I profess to loathe, such as basketball, can keep me inexplicably enthralled from time to time.

But I digress. The point to this whole disjointed piece is that I'm running a 5K in Georgia this weekend and I'm looking forward to that competitive rush that's been largely missing ever since my days of recreational baseball ended over a decade ago. Sure, it's just a short race being put on to benefit Habitat for Humanity and the prizes are probably along the lines of a gift card to Crapplebee's and half-off highlights at Fantastic Sam's, but when that race starts and I can see runners ahead of me and feel people creeping up at my heels and elbows, I'll be running a little faster than I do on my solo morning jaunts along the greenway. And I won't win the whole thing, or even my age group (I'm fairly sure of that), but there will be some poor asshole near the end of the race just trying to finish in good form without worrying or caring about anyone else ahead or behind him, and I will pass him by and he will know that I am faster.

No, I'm not going to end the post there (though I'm tempted), because I know that likewise, at some point in the all-too-brief race, someone else will pass me, and I won't see them again until they're hitting up the refreshment table at the finish. Really the only person who needs to hang their head is the person who finishes last, because they just suck. Unless they're an amputee or a cancer survivor or anything else that makes you an instant hero just for showing up. But that's a rant for another time.

12 comments:

Courtney said...

The ass-print competition is so unfair. Your ass weighs more than mine, so of course it's going to leave a bigger dent. Cheater.

A Free Man said...

"And I will pass him by and he will know that I am faster."

Awesome.

nancypearlwannabe said...

I hope you win at least $50 to Crapplebee's. And the guy behind you wins $5 to Taco Bell.

em said...

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

when you pass me i wont be thinking "he's faster", i will be thinking "he must work out".

hightower

Noelle said...

This morning, I swam in a lane with one of the slowest swimmers on the team, and passed her consistently. It must be why I'm having such a great day.

She's 60, BTW.

The Modern Gal said...

A 5K in Georgia in what is still essentially the summertime? Sounds painful.

Aaron said...

I have "Runnin' with the Devil" stuck in my head now. I swear that I don't generally have this problem with Van Halen songs, but there you go.

I would suggest singing it to yourself loud and proud whilst racing. It might pump you up AND freak out the other runners.

surviving myself said...

Applebees? That's almost as good as Ruby Tuesdays!

Chris said...

Having run in similar road races in this fair city, I can tell you there's a good chance you will win your age group. It's not a huge race. Unless this race lumps you in with the college guys. That would suck.

Either way, good luck. If things good really badly for you, you could always claim to be a cancer survivor yourself.

Allie said...

Wow! I am totally impressed. I'm non-competitive to my detriment, but that totally carries over into athletic endeavors too.

Julie said...

I'm the cheater. I already know who won.