Thursday, March 20, 2008

Quit with the rutting, already!

Is anyone else like me in that every once in a while you start feeling profoundly malnourished and hungry all the time? Lately I just feel like I'm not getting enough food even though I'm eating what I can when I can. It's probably my body responding to getting more exercise after a lengthy convalescence/bout of laziness. It's kind of like when I was climbing a lot and trying to keep up with the calorie deficit, except now I mostly sit around at work and then watch TV at home and still I feel underfed.

Luckily, there's another goddamn baby shower today for an unborn fetus and its proud mother-to-be. Have I mentioned what a big fan I am of these things? I'd link to my last hateful baby shower diatribe, but I'm at work and this computer won't let me. It was only about six or eight weeks ago (January 24, actually), so go find it yourself if you need further evidence of my feelings on the matter.

The "luckily" part really isn't sarcastic, though, because my boss is the one who organized the food this time, and she knows how to do it right. I remember our Christmas party being quite the hearty feast and my bony, wasted frame is hopeful for a repeat of that bountiful spread.

This is shower number three in the relatively short time I've been here, and this time I settled on a card and a bag of chips as my contribution. The only thing on the Target register I deemed affordable (at $8.99) was a Winnie the Pooh lampshade, but I figured they probably wanted the lamp that goes with it, and I'm not shelling out the additional $14.99 for that. I don't know her that well. Besides, you never know when the next girl around here is going to get knocked up, and I don't want to go setting the bar too high. This place sure is fertile.

This post was really mellow considering I'm talking about babies and ridiculous harpy office women. Was that last statement overly misogynistic? Have I lost my edge? Fuck (included to prove I'm still too edgy for cable.)

Edgy, I tell you.


The Dutchess of Kickball said...

I expect a more hip posting after you gorge yourself on baby-shaped cupcakes.

nancypearlwannabe said...

Pfft. You love babies and baby showers and office women. We know the truth.

Kiala said...

I haaaaaate baby showers.

And I haaaaaate babies.

I'm not kidding.

Courtney said...

You really need to get out of there before the fertility spreads.

Allie said...

You could have given just the lampshade and said it was a hat for the baby.

I went through the same food thing when I started doing Pilates a few months ago. My stomach was like a bottomless pit. It was so annoying! Luckily, I was doing Pilates, otherwise I would have probably blown up like a balloon, of course, if I hadn't been doing Pilates, I probably wouldn't have been so hungry.

The Modern Gal said...

Question 1: Yes, I feel that way right now.
Question 2: No.
Question 3: Doubtful.

Who invites dudes to baby showers, anyway? I don't have a baby, I'm not about to have a baby nor am I'm planning on it, but I know that dudes don't do baby showers.

Mickey said...

dutchess- I'm not sure I want to relive it. Check that: I'm sure I don't.

npw- You got me.

kiala- I believe you, really.

courtney- I think it's having the opposite effect.

allie- These people don't think I'm funny. That gesture would have been met with confused silence. Didn't Pilates kill Jesus?

modern gal- I appreciate your thoroughness. The shower was at work, so I'm not really given a choice. At least this time I wasn't shamed into putting in on a community gift.

Vanessa said...

I hate baby showers and being expected to shell out large quantities of money on gifts for people I haven't met (the baby) or don't necessarily like (the mother).

Chris said...

I was already a little hungry, and now you've sealed it for me. I must snack. Luckily, my desk is only about 12 steps away from my home kitchen and its vast coffers of snack food -- well, vast anyway compared to what you probably have at your desk at work.

It's one of a handful of big advantages to working from home (another, of course, being that I can read your blog anytime I like).

Noelle said...

I read somewhere that swimmers are hungry all the time because they get cold in the pool. That's my reasoning for being hungry all the time. Maybe you're cold?

And yeah, eff baby showers.

em said...

I dont think you should ever, EVER feel pressured to get a gift for an office related shower/function. If it were a friend, a gift is a nice touch. But HELL NO are you obligated to buy some crap for an office stranger.

I love babies! But not my own. And not when they're pooping. Or crying. And I hate baby showers.

Okay, on to the food part. I experience this phenomenon frequently. I will go through phases of craving carbs. It's always when I up the mileage on my runs. You probably dont have to worry about breaking down and eating every thing in sight like I do (it seems to my like you are a person of self control, whereas I have none), but I will tell you what works for me: water. I guzzle it.

Mickey said...

vanessa- Exactly. They're lucky to get a card. And I hate buying cards.

chris- Yeah, go get some food, but come right back and stare at my blog some more.

noelle- No, except for my heart, I'm generally not cold. I think swimmers are hungry because swimming is really hard.

em- Don't worry, I'm not easily pressured, except by drug dealers. How exactly is it that you know I'm a person of self-control? I mean I am, but am I that easy to read? Or did I write about it sometime?

em said...

I am good at reading people. No pun intended.

And swimmers are hungry because swimming IS really hard! When I was in high school we used to have mostaciolli eating contests, and it's not just a little disgusting the amount of pasta we ate. In one sitting.

surviving myself said...

oh man, I don't know you do that. I'd be flipping out if I were you.


trying to up the anger quota for you.

Mickey said...

em- Pasta is good.

surviving myself- The whole thing was pretty emasculating. I've got to start calling in sick when they have these at work. Thanks for the anger.

Jacob said...

I laugh when my baby falls and bumps his head. Does that make me a bad person.

I'm pretty sure I'd not laugh if he actually hurt himself, but babies are such pansies.

Mickey said...

jacob- They're really weak, too. I'm way stronger than any baby I've ever met, male or female. It's not even close.

Erikka said...

i'm just a little impressed to see baby showers including men. maybe an office baby shower is different than the at-someones-home baby shower, but at those things, men are banned. why? don't ask me. who WOULDN'T want to see all those miniature clothes, boob pumps, pink, blue, green, frills, and hear all those tinkling soothing melodies from soft, no rough-edges baby toys?

C'mon, doesn't that sound FUN?!


I found you through Funky Carter. nice to meet you.

Mickey said...

erikka- Thanks for stopping in, but no, no that does not sound like fun.

sid said...

I always thought that I wanted to have kids one day. Then I listened to my co-worker b*tch about hers. Screw that sh*t I'm having cats.

Aaron said...

I was going to blast you for the offensiveness of this post to make you feel more punk rock, but I just don't have it in me. Distracted by the Zombie Jesus Day and all.

Stefanie said...

Thank you for reminding me why it's good to work with primarily middle-aged men. I have worked in the same office for eight years, and there has been ONE baby shower in all of that time. ONE. Who knew lack of workplace diversity of any kind had such benefits?

Julie said...

One of the sketch comdey shows did a skit one time about cyclists. They consume something like 25,000 (quick former RNT staffers, fact check me!) in one day when they're doing one of those multi-day races. Anyway, funny part had the guys in the off season with scary baby sized bellies because they didn't cut back on calorie consumption in the 'off season.'

Do you like how I worked scary babies into the exercise/hunger response?