Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Barbecue, anyone?

I don't think this counts as my long-anticipated drunk post, but I did just enjoy my first White Russian. No, not Anna Kournikova (AS IF I would take sloppy seconds from Enrique Iglesias), but rather the mixed drink made famous by the Dude in The Big Lebowski. Courtney and I were talking Lebowski the other day and decided the time was right to make some Caucasians.

So rather than down a few pints of Guiness, we're drinking a couple thousand miles further east (though no self-respecting Russian would dilute their vodka with milk and Kahlua), although I am wearing a green shirt. Verdict (on the drink, not the shirt): I love the Dude, but that is one girly drink. As with most girly drinks, though, it'll get you drunk before you know it, so take it easy, kids.

And that's as far as I got last night, so welcome to Tuesday. I just read Courtney's post over at Malfeasance and it has inspired some strong feelings in me that I probably shouldn't share but, like most things I probably shouldn't do, I will anyway... but I must have woken up a little smarter this morning because after typing another two paragraphs the delete key has taken care of it. I will say this, however: What's the big deal with being employed? I've had it both ways and, please tell me I'm not alone on this, not working is way better. I know, bills must be paid and all and I'll just stop there.

It's just that I've had this crazy idea bouncing around in my head for the past ten years regarding our over-the-top work ethic as a species (Look at squirrels! They play all day!) and every time I try to put it down on paper I can't seem to keep my thoughts organized and rational. Probably because it's not a rational line of thinking. Whatever.


The other night I got out of bed at 1 a.m. and wrote the following statement down in the dark on the back of a receipt: Cannibals are the only honest people when it comes to diet.

Here's where I think that thought came from: We had dinner at Moe's on Saturday and the college student putting our burritos and nachos together, between asking us if we liked bluegrass and mentioning that he was in a band, remarked that we were a couple of vegetarians. It's true we just happened to have ordered the Art Vandalay and a Ruprict, both meat-free dishes, but a vegetarian that does not make. I told him "I just try to eat less meat," but it got me thinking.

And apparently I was still thinking as I lay in bed later that night and began considering the dietary honesty of cannibals. While the rest of us (at least those of us who waste our lives worrying about such things) consider the impact of certain foods on the health of both our bodies and the environment, with vegans supposedly holding the moral high ground and red-meat eaters currently controlling the status quo and just about everything else, the cannibals (excepting those adolescent cannibals who refuse to eat their vegetables and the odd lactose-intolerant cannibal) just go ahead and eat everything. They are utterly unconcerned and unnaffected by a greater society that seems entirely confused, after millions of years of evolution, about what it is right to put in their bodies. Of course I'm not advocating cannibalism here, nor vegetarianism, nor filet mignon, I'm just saying I appreciate the honesty of the only people forthright enough to just eat everything, the rest of us be damned.

Maybe, while I'm wandering the aisles of the supermarket worrying about the ethics of meat and industrial agriculture, I should just be eating my enemies.

Now if only I had some enemies.


em said...

I was a vegetarian for about 10 years, and one day I just wanted a hamburger.

I think that sometimes vegetarians view the vegetarianism as a strong (read: only) definition of their identity, and I think I was young enough that I sort of fell into that pocket. I am glad I am not one anymore, but I do try to eat free range carcasses when I can.

Also, maybe if you thought your white russian was girly, it wasnt strong enough?

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

On one hand I can see the viewpoint that what better way to feed your body than with that your own body is made out of...other bodies. But I just can't not see all animals as being no different than myself or my pets and I just could never eat my pets. I have been a vegetarian for 13 years, and that will never change.

nancypearlwannabe said...

If I could make a living sitting around, playing Wii, and occasionally writing on my blog for a living, you can bet your ass I would.

Not that you'd want to bet your actual, physical ass, but you know what I'm saying.

Down with employment!

Courtney said...

I have to admit: When I first found out I was laid off, my first thought was, "Woo! Time off!" And then financial worries ensued. But I was happy for about five seconds there.

I agree that not being at work is better than being at work, but if you aspire to a job you'll enjoy, hopefully you won't mind working. The perk of your upbringing is that you have an education and don't have to slog away in a factory day in and day out.

We should try going vegetarian for a while. You know I don't eat much meat anyway.

Noelle said...

I sometimes let my vegetarianism define me. But the truth is that if I didn't give myself limitations, I would eat anything, including your worst enemies. The fact of the matter is that I stopped eating meat when I almost killed myself with undercooked chicken. That's one thing the cannibal doesn't have going for him: a long lifespan. Also, the eating of people is usually just ceremonial. Like on Easter Sunday.

BTW, that was a great transition.

surviving myself said...

I'm vegetarian, but not one of those damn preachy ones who give us all a bad name. I hate those kinds of people.

also, I wonder what it'd be like to be friends with a cannibal? Like, would he have to give his word that he wouldn't snack on your arm if he got the munchies?

Mickey said...

em- I don't want the food I eat to define me, either. It already physically composes me, and I think that's enough.

dutchess- I'd eat your pets if I had to. Sorry.

npw- But you could! Or at least you could more often than you do already (which is quite a lot, as we both know). The kids will learn to read on their own, right?

courtney- I guess you haven't noticed, but I don't think we've eaten any meat for about four days.

noelle- I eat people on Easter Sunday, too! They taste better when they're all dressed up and full of forgiveness.

surviving myself- Only if he/she was a rude cannibal, like the friend that comes over and eats all your chips and drinks your beer without asking.

Allie said...

Squirrels have it good, man. They play all day, hide a few nuts, AND they're just freaking funny.

I'm with you on the work thing. And what happened to the 9 to 5 work day? Every job I've had since college has been 8:30-5:30, because lunch doesn't count. Somewhere we all got robbed of an hour of our day and no one says anything about it.

ck said...

for a better white russian, go lighter on the kahlua. make that sucker vodka and cream. that will do it.
btw, the gothic answer came to me at 2:00AM after a few drinks. Don't mix booze and blogging! Your muddled thoughts will be out in the internets forever.

Jacob said...

Now I see why everyone whines about my post length. This was so long that it killed my internet and I had to reboot to get it back. I enjoyed it and all, but my computer has less patience than I do.

I thought The Dude just had half and half and vodka. That doesn't sound girly, just nauseating. Something about combining dairy with something that may induce vomiting doesn't sit well with me.

And I'm totally with you on the work. I don't understand the people who feel the need to keep busy. If I could find a way to stay at my current income and do more work I'd take it even if it had no avenue for advancement.

Aaron said...

I must confess: Were it not for the whole "needing money" thing, I could get used to watching the Game Show Network all the time. You should see the crazy shit they show at like, two in the morning on Sundays. Addictive and wonderful.

Alternately, if I could get paid to watch CHiPs, I would be in for that. I can go for that. I can do.

All of this cannibal talk makes me want to mention zombies in some fashion, but it feels forced. I'll lay off. For now.

Mickey said...

allie- I always wondered about 9 to 5, too. Did Dolly make that crap up, or what?

ck- But your statement supports drinking and blogging! Alcoholic inspiration! More vodka sounds right.

jacob- This was half the length of your posts. The last sentence of your comment makes no sense in context.

aaron- Way to sneak in a Hall and Oates reference. You're right, by the way, I was expecting zombies from you. Your restraint is admirable.

Chris said...

The prevalence of depression in the U.S. population is partly if not largely due to the loss of a sense of purpose, or so I read somewhere once. (A favorite source of mine: "somewhere once".)

People used to grow and prepare their own food, build their own homes, sew their own clothes, etc. Now we make money at jobs that often seem to serve no purpose for the greater good just so we can buy the mass-produced version of all that stuff.

So you're right that our overly-civilized version of employment doesn't seem to make sense or serve a purpose. The alternative (being your own personal farmer/ homebuilder/ furniture maker/ seamstress) would actually require a good deal more work on your part, yet I wonder sometimes if it would not be a more enjoyable lifestyle.

The Modern Gal said...

I've been trying fruitlessly for five years to figure out how to get paid for doing nothing. I'll let you know if I stumble upon the answer.

Mickey said...

chris- I'd comment, but I want to leave us something to discuss this weekend.

modern gal- Another seeker. If you figure it out, don't tell anyone. It could be the doom of us all. Then again, go ahead, a little doom could be fun.

Jacob said...

That's because I used more instead of less. If I could find a job where I did less work for the same money, I'd take it in a heartbeat even with no opportunity for advancement.

Kiala said...

I was also a vegetarian for ten years and now I eat fish and fowl. I don't even know why....and every day I toy with the idea of becoming vegan but honestly, I think it's just so that I can tell cute vegan boys that I'm vegan.