Wednesday, March 26, 2008


I just tried to leave my daily comment on Musings of a Semi-Coherent Mind, and this is what I ran into:

Your request to URL "" has been blocked by the Webwasher Real-Time Classifier. The page was classified as sexual, erotic or adult content (70% probability overall) which is not allowed by your administrator at this time.

What's going on over there, NPW? And if you're going for erotic, why not go all the way instead of this 70% crap? Because I'm honestly not the least bit aroused. Confused, maybe, but definitely not aroused.

It seems every day my work computer loses some valuable capability as a result of the damn Content Nazis. Along with apparently being blocked from leaving comments for my second-favorite librarian (Sorry Dubs, it'll be tough to unseat Mom from the top spot), I can't italicize or do crosswords, maps don't load on Mapquest, most music sites are off-limits, and I have to wait until I get home to get my fix of bestiality and amputee porn. Exactly which freedoms are our soldiers dying for if I can't get amputee porn or read the smut on NPW's blog while at work? Tell me that, patriotic Republican war-mongers!

Sorry about that. 180-degree turn coming up, although it will probably be no less offensive for some, but that's the mood I'm in.

I was just walking down the hall behind two ladies, one of whom was complaining about her knees. The other one said, "That's probably your joints telling you it's gonna rain."

I wanted to say, "No, that's your joints telling you you're fat." I didn't, though, because sometimes the truth is considered rude, and I like to pretend I'm a nice person.

But she was fat. No doubt her knees were complaining a bit.

And that, dear internet friends who may or may not be fabrications, is my 100th post. I've been writing it in my head for the past month or so, and it was going to be a sappy look back at the evolution of my still-nascent blogging career and an acknowledgement of those of you who have influenced me with your writing and been kind enough to read mine. I may still write such a post, but it'll have to be in commemoration of some other random number.

This time, my blog centennial will just be celebrated by these profane rantings of an asshole.

God bless America.


em said...

YAY! Congrats on your 100.

Nothing is blocked on my computer, and sadly I think I am paying the consequences of this. I had my work laptop with me over the weekend and my boyfriend wanted to view something that might be considered by others to be pornographic. I wasnt really paying attention when he was doing this ON MY WORK COMPUTER (granted he doesnt have a desk job, so he probably legitimately doesnt know how bad this could be for me), and I think now my computer has some sort of virus or something. I dont really want to turn it into my boss with the excuse, "ummm, someone else just really wanted to see that this 2 girls 1 cup hullabaloo was all about..."

nancypearlwannabe said...

WTF? I was wondering why I wasn't getting any comments today. Maybe I shouldn't have written that erotic Star Trek fan fiction? But wait, I didn't PUBLISH that. So what the hell is going on here? I will have to investigate further.

Also, I thought it was funny that your company wouldn't accept my porn pages "at this time". Maybe some time in the future they will?

nancypearlwannabe said...

So does it work now? I took out all references to graduating magna cum laude. I'm afraid the second word there caused some filtering snafu. Damn you, internet!

Kiala said...

Oh my God I HATE offices who filter your web browsing experience. It's ridiculous. You need to work in a field like web devlopment or interactive advertising where looking at stuff online is part of your job. Like 95% of your job.

beej said...

man, you missed one HOT NPW blog. Librarian porn.

Also, I'm so fat my knees don't say much of anything anymore - they are simply trying not to collapse underneath my gargantuan self.

Anonymous said...

it is the day of the 100. i was counting the names in my phone and you are the 100th entry. i will not tell you what i was doing that gave me the time to count the names in my phone.


ck said...

i work with some people like that- they can't look in the mirror and say,"i'm fat. most of my health problems come from being obscenely overweight."
no, they act like these problems come out of the blue.
"i can hardly breathe after climbing the stairs... must be my allergies acting up!"
gimme a break.

Mickey said...

First, apologies to the Dutchess of Kickball. She commented while I was in the midst of a mighty struggle with both Blogger and my effed-up work computer to publish this post in a way that did not look like it was formatted by Picasso. Her comment ended up on yesterday's post. Oops.

em- I'm trying to picture this "2 girls 1 cup hullabaloo," but I'm getting nothing. Hullabaloos are generally breeding grounds for viruses, though.

npw- And yet this post contains the phrase "amputee porn" and there's no problem. Erotic Star Trek fan fiction...hee.

npw- It worked. You have been commented.

kiala- Or maybe Hustler is hiring? I'm sure they've got a liberal computer-use policy.

beej- Don't tease me. And nobody likes uppity talking knees anyway, so be glad.

hightower- You're 26 on my list. Out of 27. Only about five of those numbers are current, though. Five. I'm such a loser. 100, dude? Really?

Mickey said...

ck- So true, man, so true.

Aaron said...

Well, congrats on 100 posts. Although really, I would just take this as a sign that you might as well give up and stop reading NPW's blog. Your work computer is just looking out for you, after all.

The Modern Gal said...

I kinda like profane rantings as a hundreth post ... you should commemorate a random number. Like the 147th post.

Stefanie said...

"Sometimes the truth is considered rude." So true, so true. (And unfortunate.)

I also enjoyed how italicizing and doing crosswords are seemingly parallel tasks in your mind. I think I'd miss italics more than crosswords, but that's just me. I italicize a lot.

Chris said...

Sounds like this job of yours is really cramping your blogging style. Congrats on sticking with it to the 100th post nonetheless.

Noelle said...

That'll teach the Dutchess to try and comment first on everyone's blog.

Also, that was a great 100th post. I don't think you could have done any better.

surviving myself said...

100 posts down and 1 million to go! You ever think about if you'll be blogging when you're like, 94?

I bet our posts would be about going to the bathroom and stuff like that.

Mickey said...

aaron- I could never!

modern gal- That's what I had in mind. 147 give or take. We'll see.

stefanie- It's funny you noticed that. I thought about it that way too, but I liked how it read, so I left the two paired. And then I managed some italics anyway by posting through the back door (by email.)

chris- Thanks. When will you be celebrating your 10th? Or are we going for the big 1-5 already?

noelle- So are you saying you liked it or that you doubt I have the potential to improve on crap like this?

surviving myself- I'll likely end up tackling the bathroom post long before I turn 94. I gotta write something during slow weeks.

Allie said...

Happy 100th! That's awesome!

I'm totally laughing about NPW's erotic Trekkie fan fic. This guy in my dorm in college owned a Star Trek porn tape. Seriously. It was called Star Trek: The Next Penetration. Seriously.

nancypearlwannabe said...

STAR TREK PORN ON VHS! Oh, college. You were so fun while you lasted.

I also meant to add happy 100th, after I bitched and moaned about work filters for a few hours. And thanks for having my back, even when Aaron tries to throw me under the bus.

sid said...

I know that you didn't actually say that you love your readers and appreciate our support but I know that's what you were thinking as you were writing about that fat woman.

Vanessa said...

Oh Dude! You're into amputee porn too???

Congrats on 100!

Mickey said...

allie- That's not at all surprising. Those porn guys are so clever with the titles!

npw- We erotic science-fiction writers have to look out for each other, 'cause no one else will.

sid- That's exactly what I was thinking.

vanessa- Mmmm, stumps. (I'm going to hell.)

Julie said...

I will not congratulate you on your 100th post. Rather, I think you should congratulate me for making it through your hundred posts and commenting on a good number of them. It's people like me that make your blog worth reading.

I'm particularly special in that I am not allowed by the asswipes I work for to look at any webpage other than msnbc during office hours. All of my blog reading and commenting has taken place outside work. It's like a second job. Congratulate you? Whatever. Congratulate me.

Side note: Is it just me, or do I sound like your fat blog's knees?