Tuesday, March 25, 2008

The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care

Well shit, kids. Ask anyone who has ever known me since that cold day I sprang forth into the noxious Delaware air 29 years ago to describe a place they would never expect to find me and, chances are, it would be some approximation of where I'm currently sitting: cubicle land. This may be rock bottom. I sure hope so.

After a (short) lifetime of promising to never, ever end up working at Initech for the likes of Bill Lumberg, I find myself on the interior side of a 5-foot high green cubicle wall. My only reminder of the outside world are the faint reflections of interstate traffic in the light fixtures above. I can see freedom more directly by standing up and gazing out over the sea of fake walls to the windows in the distance, but that just feels too much like an inmate glimpsing his past through the bars of his cell. Just so you know, though, from a flat-footed stance, I can see three highway billboards (diesel at the Pilot station is going for 3.839), one super-tall Krystal sign, and a long, low ridge with new houses going up on it. I think I'll stay low and enjoy my recycled calendar pictures instead.

Just this morning I had a quiet, out-of-the-way shared office with a view of some lovely trees sporting new white blossoms underneath which a groundhog, recently emerged from hibernation, idled his days away on a carpet of lush green grass. Sure, the interstate was in the background of that scene, too, but it was far less depressing than the cubicle land to which we have been moved. I think most of the (relatively) cute girls in this place worked down there, too, but they never talked to me anyway.

But let this be the death knell. I've been wanting to get out of this place and now I've got one more reason to. I just need to move on before Nina from Corporate Accounts Payable starts answering the phones next door.

26 comments:

Dianne said...

Cubicles suck. Supposedly they are conducive to a better working environment, but I don't believe that at all! They are more likely to become breeding grounds for weird germ like things and such.

Meaghan said...

I can just hear her squeaky voice now!

Sorry you're in a cube! At least it's green - good outdoorsy color, right?

Courtney said...

Yeah, cubicles suck. I already sent you a job ad this morning.

nancypearlwannabe said...

You were demoted from office to cubicle? What kind of place of employment is that?

I hope you start kicking the shit out of the fax machine pretty soon, and showing up to work in ratty old Hawaiian shirts and shorts.

Anonymous said...

wow i wood never have thought you would have become one of those guys. stuck in a dead end job and complaining about it in a blog. until you decide to do something about it and get back to the mick i know, you suck.

hightower

Anonymous said...

wow i wood never have thought you would have become one of those guys. stuck in a dead end job and complaining about it in a blog. until you decide to do something about it and get back to the mick i know, you suck.

hightower

Mickey said...

dianne- Those weird germ-like things are called office drones and I am surrounded by them. In fact, I have become one!

meaghan- No, it's not a very lovely green.

courtney- Stay on the case. I need all the help I can get.

npw- The office was just convenient for them. If they needed me to work outside next to the interstate under an umbrella, they'd put me there, too. And I'm already wearing jeans and sneakers; a Hawaiian shirt might be too dressy.

hightower- I'm a disappointment, I know.

hightower- I'm a disappointment, I know.

maya said...

first of all, your comment to hightower cracked me up.

secondly, are there any jobs in knoxville? we moved here for a job, though it's based in atlanta. my husband's been looking for a new one and we're not finding any. we may be heading back to atlanta ...

yes, that's a tear trickling down my cheek.

thirdly, i've been there (the cube), left for greener pastures (WAHM-dom) and i ain't going back!!

and lastly, good luck with the job search.

Noelle said...

These florescent lights, they're killing me. We had a birthday party in the office today, and the singing was so droll, I snuck in "Lundberg," which was appropriate because the woman who we were singing to is a worthless windbag.

em said...

I saw a bumper sticker once that said, "minivans are proof that satan exists." i think it would have been more spot on had it said, "cubicles are proof that satan exists." lord dont get me started. theyre like the immigration wall, sectioning off one sad office worker at a time.

i hear you so, so, so much about the whole corporate world. i am in hell. i can only hope that people like us will prevail. somehow. if by god the lottery. or poverty.

Allie said...

Oh, you poor thing!

I spent about a year in cubicle hell. One neighbor listened to "lite" radio all day and talked to me NONSTOP about how hot Bruce Willis is. Another listened to conservative talk radio and sang along to commercials for a local Chevy dealer. The other was quiet, but later turned out to be evil and set up one of the new guys to make it look like he'd been looking at porn on his computer.

It really did make me wish I'd get hit by a car so I could stay home and invent a jump to conclusions mat.

Chris said...

Yes! The jump to conclusions mat. You'll have a crazy-good idea like that some day, Mickey.

Some day.

Mickey said...

maya- Oh, you give me so much hope as I decide to trade one job for another!

noelle- That is such a topical occurence! Aren't these flourescents giving me cancer?

em- I will prevail by getting the hell out.

allie- I too have considered the benefits of getting hit by a car, but I really like my legs.

chris- I need something a little more concrete than "someday." Why not tomorrow? Why, oh why?

Jacob said...

Mickey, I actually saw a The Office supply kit in Barnes & Noble yesterday. It's got the Jump to Conclusion mat, Lumburgh's Initech mug, and the stapler along with a few other things. Maybe you should go buy one.

That, and I told you that you were settling. You're going to fuss and make a lot of noise when not at work for a while before finally giving in to your fate.

nancypearlwannabe said...

Allie's comment about her coworker discussing the hotness of Bruce Willis just made me choke with laughter.

Vanessa said...

Cubicle land is no place for people! Someone recently asked me to consider, "what would you do if you knew you could not fail?" Somewhat cliche-ish, but it got me thinking...

Stefanie said...

Oh, just stop fighting it.

One of us... One of us...

maya said...

Sorry!

Hopefully you have a less vague skill than "sales trainer."

Aaron said...

I'm lazy and I don't care, frankly. This is probably why I haven't found a job yet.

Mickey said...

jacob- Yup, I'm settling.

npw- Yeah, I just don't see it.

vanessa- That's kind of deep. And frustrating.

stefanie- EVIL!

maya- Unfortunately not. Very spotty work history and all over the map.

aaron- I feel ya, bro.

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

I was actually very much expecting my company's web filter to close off your site because of the amputee porn.

Mickey said...

dutchess- I think I confused you with my constant publishing and deleting of the above post before I could get it right. And so you ended up commenting here. Sorry.

Kiala said...

Maybe you'll get Dooced and your site will blow up and you'll get mad traffic and advertising and never have to work in a cubicle again.

Right?

The Modern Gal said...

I don't know, I miss my once-upon-a-time cubical where I could at least hide a little bit when I needed to. Of course, there was the time that I sat next to the old guy who always talked about cleaning his rifles and his shotgun and had a confederate flag poster ...

My current office doesn't come with the benefit of ANY window, much less an Krystal sign view.

Mickey said...

kiala- But wouldn't advertising make me a sell-out? Maybe I could find a way to square with that.

modern gal- Nope, you're not making this sound any better.

Julie said...

How lucky are you to have Courtney emailing you jobs? What do I have to do to get my own job search fairy?