Thursday, March 27, 2008

Oh, like you don't pick your nose when no one's looking!

I suppose it would only be proper for me to begin my next hundred posts with an update of my former Illustrious Co-Worker, who was such a wellspring of inspiration throughout my first hundred. Still illustrious, I should say, but formerly a co-worker, as you'll recall she was unceremoniously dumped from the employment rolls of this shithole cubicle village by telephone one Friday evening several weeks ago.

I've actually been terribly remiss in not telling you all sooner, but she got a job within about four days of getting the boot and is apparently thriving. So good on her. And since she no longer gets to talk at me for eight hours a day, she's been keeping up the email at a rate somewhere north of one per day. Maybe I'll wring some more posts from her yet.

Unfortunately, I really do miss her since my new, much less illustrious co-worker is incredibly boring and devoid of passion. Say what you will about ICW (and she certainly has a few faults) but she sure is interesting and is forever trying to improve her (rather dismal) situation while at the same time trying to help all the morons and leeches she surrounds herself with.

New girl is maybe not as gray-matter deficient, but her life is possibly even more hopeless since she has three biological children to go with her loveless marriage to an asshole, man-child husband. The problem as I see it is that she, unlike ICW, does not recognize that her life is screwed up and unhappy, and this makes her boring.

Couple of quick points to round things out (I'm really just giving up on transitions here lately, huh?):

  • I related the following to Courtney last night and she was apparently surprised and disgusted to learn that people (other people?) pick their noses: As I sat here yesterday at my new workstation uncomfortably ensconced in my cubicle (which is actually more of an elongated pentagon), my nose was feeling a little crusty so I launched an exploratory committee to ensure that there were no unsightly hangers marring my otherwise portrait-worthy visage. As in all such situations, the covert operation was followed by a quick glance around to see if my clandestine action had been observed. It was then that I noticed the security camera pointed almost directly at me from a mere 30 feet away.
  • Courtney and I finally watched No Country for Old Men last night. As much as I liked There Will Be Blood, Into the Wild, and Across the Universe (my three faves of the year) and was looking forward to disagreeing with the Academy on its choice for Best Picture, I have to say they absolutely got it right. No Country completely impressed me from every angle. My favorite movie of the year.

So now we'll see where the comments go: ICW, nose-picking, Big Brother, or the movies. Commence.

25 comments:

em said...

I have a tiny nose ring and sometimes it sits uncomfortable, so I have to adjust it and it looks like I am picking my nose. Once, too, when Scott and I first met, I had a different nose ring with a corkscrew contraption (it was a temporary solution to the loss of my favorite little one)and the corkscrew thing would always peek out the bottom of my nose (gross, I know), and Scott when we first met just thought I did a lot of blow all the time.

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

I can not stand having anything in my nostrils, I'll allow you to decide what is done about it.

Courtney said...

Um, I believe my exact words were: "Surely you're not the first person to be caught on camera picking their nose."

Chris said...

Sometimes life throws you a challenge, Mickey, and it's up to you what you do with it.

So, as I see it, you can either:

1. Say: 'Boo. New girl no fun,' and write about picking your nose, or

2. Determine to work harder at mining the good stuff out of her miserable life, nickname her Less Illustrious New Co-Worker (LINCW), and bring a semi-intriguing new character into the virtual lives of your readers.

C'mon man, three kids and an asshole, man-child husband.

The Modern Gal said...

See this photo here.

That's all I've got.

The Modern Gal said...

Except that Blogger lies when it says "you can use some HTML tags"

See this photo here: http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2008/03/13/curious-index-31308/

Noelle said...

I think the English Big Brother is much better than the American one.

Aaron said...

Nose picking = normal.

NCFOM = supremely awesome, albeit lacking in any dialogue re: milkshakes.

And why does Firefox spell check hate the word "dialogue" so much?

Mickey said...

em- He thought you did a lot of blow and he went out with you anyway? Or was that cleared up by then? Or did you actually do a lot of blow?

dutchess- Word.

courtney- Admit it: I gross you out.

chris- You have a point, damn you. But there's just no connection with this one.

modern gal- And we'll soon get to watch managers digging for gold on the dugout steps, seemingly unaware of the 8 cameras trained on them.

noelle- Smartass.

aaron- I thought the dialogue was great, and funny, too. Don't forget Chigurh's "friend-o." That single word has been stuck in my head.

Meaghan said...

Mickey, do you have a little booth in that cubicle of yours with a little sign reading "Psychiatric Help, 5 cents?" These people tell you so much about their personal lives!

J-Money said...

I have a tiny scar on my nose from a black iced car accident ten years ago. More than once, I think it's been mistaken for a nose goblin on a field trip...

JustinStanley said...

My office faces south, with a big window that lets in tons of sunlight. The door to said office is opposite that window, and I sit somewhere between the two.

Couple weeks ago, I figured out that, around 3pm on sunny days, my shadow creeps through that door and projects into the middle of the heavily traveled hallway. Figured it out because, as I was picking my nose one day, I saw my gigantic shadow finger plunged halfway into my gigantic shadow head.

Jacob said...

Please don't start writing about the new co-worker. Reading your specific co-worker threads make me acutely uncomfortable.

Jacob said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jacob said...

And sometimes nothing else proves as effective at mucus management.

Sorry, I couldn't bring myself to combine those two comments.

Allie said...

My old roommate had a friend who would totally dig for gold AND eat it while she was talking to you. It was bizarre. She was really pretty and well put together and normal otherwise, but had no inhibitions what so ever about booger maintenance. I was totally fascinated by it. There was no reaction from her that she was doing something gross.

Mickey said...

meaghan- If I had a nickel for every time...

j-money- So that's why you're pulling your shirt up over your nose? Wear your scars with pride.

justinstanley- Quite the comment debut. With work like that, you're welcome back any time. If only somebody had decided to trace your nose-pickin' silhouette on the wall with a Sharpie.

jacob- Comments like this make me acutely uncomfortable.

allie- That kind of obliviousness is a gift I sometimes wish I had. Usually, though, my extreme self-consciousness serves me well.

sid said...

Hmmm I doubt that your new co-worker is boring. I think that maybe, just maybe, she doesn't actually tell you all her dirty little secrets.

Mickey said...

sid- And that makes her boring.

nancypearlwannabe said...

Yeah, seriously. You need to start chatting the new ICW up to get her to spill her dirt so you can share it with the internet. Maybe if you didn't pick your nose so much she might talk to you more often?

surviving myself said...

people pick their noses. So what? I'm with you, why be uncomfortable?

and No Country was awesome.

Mickey said...

npw- But nose picking seems like such a good conversation starter! (On the internet, at least.)

surviving myself- Thank you and yes.

Been said...

I only pick my nose in the car, where nobody can see me.

Kiala said...

Sometimes things in your nose hurt and you have to get them out.

And other times, it's just a Wednesday.

Julie said...

I see your ICW, nose-picking, Big Brother and movies, and raise you by ice bears.