Last Thursday, in the spirit of the day intended to honor our favorite planet (also known as _____ Day, a title I'm reluctant to utter, as explained here), I posted the following sign on our apartment door:
It took just a few days before the following response was carefully pushed between the door and its frame by some mysterious never-seen messenger from the other side:
Allow me to explain:
Yup, 7 Star II made it an even 24 Chinese menus today, our posted assurances be damned. This represents only about three months of unsolicited menus. I had a feeling the sign would go unheeded, and I probably should have written it in four or five different languages, just to be safe, but I will admit to getting a kick, like any connoisseur of spoons, shot glasses, or Hard Rock Cafe t-shirts can relate, to my growing collection, useless though it may be. And useless is right: we have never ordered from or visited a single one of these establishments. Off the top of my head, I don't even know where any of them are, although I suspect any of you blog-stalkers could triangulate the exact location of our apartment, Krumholtz-style, by plotting the restaurants on a map and applying (along with a complex algorithm) a dash of common sense. After Judd Hirsch inspires you with some folksy Jewish wisdom, that is.
That's a reference to the hit Friday night television program Numb3rs, by the way. And if you got it, you should probably have a serious talk with yourself about why you're watching crappy police procedurals on a Friday night. And then you should have another serious talk with yourself about why you have serious talks with yourself, because seriously: You're talking to yourself.
I have both of those talks frequently. And then I buy myself a drink, just to show that there are no hard feelings.
I'm only trying to help, after all.
8 comments:
You could be seriously missing out. I mean, any company putting that much time, effort aand money into geting you a menu must put an equally impressive amount of time, money and energy into creating tasty food, right?
Wow, and Seven Star is not even the most persistent. I love that you tried though.
I want to have a serious talk with CBS about putting random 3s in place of perfectly good vowels in show titles.
Next time we hear a menu being pushed through the door crack, I say we open the door and ambush the guy on the other side, thereby escalating this from passive-aggressive note skirmish into full-scale guerilla warfare.
Perhaps you need to post one of each with your sign so they know you're speaking to them. Or maybe include the Spanish translation, in case that's their first language
I'm very proud of my chip off the old block.
24? You're exaggerating, I hope.
You should hand-deliver them back to the nearest 7Star11, if you can find one. Maybe have an in-person chat with their marketing manager.
It took me a long time to comment on this post, because I was on my way to your apartment after figuring out where you lived, but once I got there, I decided I really didn't want to kill you, so I bought some Lo Mein and went home.
Obviously your sign was way too complex. I say next time try "No Menus." Although you're on your way to creating some pretty fun art. Their must be some sort of decoupage or something you can do with all those! You could also make your own paper out of it...
http://www.make-stuff.com/recycling/paper.html
I've seen it done using an old window screen, rather than the pantyhose/hanger thing they do here.
Super happy to see you blogging again, census man.
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