I've got a complaint in the form of a question. Or a question in the form of a complaint.
Why does everything have to smell like something else?
You get up in the morning and lift your head from your Mountain Breeze-scented pillowcase, shuffle in the dark across the Febrezed carpet (Spring & Renewal scent), down the hall past the Fresh Cut Flowers plug-in, stare through foggy eyes at your tired reflection in the bathroom mirror while brushing your molars with zesty Peppermint paste, and then step into the shower, where you suds your hair up with Pomegranate Soy shampoo, follow that with some Tea Tree and Balm Mint conditioner and then rub your whole self with Almond Flower body wash.
Drying off after the shower (Mountain Breeze making another appearance with the towel), you smear some Aqua Sport-flavored antiperspirant under your arms before donning a fresh set of clothes (Mountain Breeze fresh, to be exact.) After perhaps spraying your head with some sort of foul-smelling glue-like substance, working some White Linen moisturizer into your hands and maybe dousing a little designer odor about your person (the one item employed solely for it's smell), you grab a cup of coffee, which smells precisely like coffee, causing you to think to yourself "Goddamn I love the smell of coffee" before heading out the door.
Sliding into your car with its stale Vanilla Bean cardboard air "freshener" dangling from the mirror, you head to work, where you will be surrounded by scores of other people, all of whom have absorbed just as many competing smells as you this morning, but different ones, all of them having one thing in common: They are completely unrepresentative of the objects they are attached to. At no point in the morning will any of you come into contact with a Mountain or it's accompanying Breeze, you wouldn't know an Almond Flower if it sprouted from your ass, and Fresh Cut Flowers would be nice, but everyone knows we only get to see them during funerals and Valentine's Day. If we're lucky.
Thank god (Ethiopia) for coffee.