Thursday, February 19, 2009

And you thought birds were inconsiderate

Here's an excerpt from an email I recently received from a friend I haven't seen in four years:

I do have another proposition for you:
A) It involves granite
B) It involves several days of granite
C) You need a PVC tube to poop in
D) The Nose
E) Early May
What do you think? Do you have the time? Still interested in climbing big stuff?

And that, friends, is why I went out last Friday and worked three sets of ill-advised pull-ups into my run. I say ill-advised because even though my chin only surmounted the crossbar at Duff Park a measly 30 times total, it's taken me a full week to be able to comfortably raise my arms above my head again. I had to ask Courtney to pass me things from the coffee table because I couldn't reach across my body. Even now there's still some tightness. Weak.

As was disclosed in a post here last week, I in fact won't be free in May to hang out in Yosemite (I recently wrote about The Nose here) and poop in any tubes because I should by then be employed in a different, no less scenic playground. The unfortunate timing of the above proposition did not diminish its motivational quality, though, which explains the flailing pull-ups, because while May may not work for me, I will certainly be climbing something this year. And I'm way out of climbing shape, obviously.

It occurs to me: Is anyone confused by all the talk of pooping in tubes? I'll explain: In the old days on long, multi-pitch climbs, people would just crap in a bag and then toss it. I'm guessing tourists didn't want to hike too close to the base of walls in Yosemite in those days because shit was literally raining down from above. Nowadays the Park Service mandates that you pack it out, hence the resealable PVC poop tubes.

I've never pooped in a tube. I have pooped in a bag before, also at the behest of the Park Service, and carried it out. If I ever get around to doing the "100 Things" list for this blog, I'll start with "I've shat in a bag and then carried it down a mountain."

This ends today's session of Scatology 101. Thank you.

The scatological emailer. Poop tubes not required on cabin climbs.


Julie said...

Thanks for the laugh. I don't much want to picture you pooping into a tube but it greatly amuses me that it's made your bucket list.

The Modern Gal said...

Wow, pooping in tubes. I'm going to have to think about that for a while. I've pooped in a bucket in a cave before and had to carry it out. That's the best I've got.

sid said...

I'm reading the whole poop tube thing. And I'm a little confused. Pack it out? Is this some American expression because ... you can't mean what I think you mean.


Okay just read further - what you meant was carry it down the mountain. Thank heavens.

Allie said...

I want to know what Sid thought you meant by pack it out. Or maybe I don't.

surviving myself said...

Man, just imagine when you open that tube up. Each day, the smell getting worse and worse.

You're going to puke dude.