Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Or maybe we should just put it in the water like fluoride

You guys know what RU-486 is, right? The abortion pill? What you may not know is that RU-486 was its designation while undergoing clinical trials; Mifepristone is its official tradename for marketing in the US. This begs the question: Who are their marketing people? Because that name sucks.

Really, in a drug market dominated by ridiculous names like Ambien, Celebrex, Flomax, Abilify, and the coup de grace- Viagra!, and all advertised with images of attractive people kayaking the Baja coast, what exactly do the sellers of Mifepristone hope to accomplish? Not moving drugs, apparently.

Now, obviously it’s a little harder to sell people on the idea of pharmaceutically terminating a pregnancy than, say, a good night’s sleep or a dependable, world-class erection. But should it be? As comedian Brian Posehn (link not okay for work) says, “Abortion doctors aren’t baby-killers, they’re life un-ruiners.” It seems to me the concept of avoiding a massive mistake that would require 18 years worth of shoes should be a pretty easy sell.

So why the shitty name and lack of advertising? I’m thinking a drug like this should be on my TV with some young, attractive couple giving us the pitch who have clearly given up their dreams of serious dramatic careers and were just shuttled over from the set of a commercial for a genital herpes drug. They don’t even have to change out of the wetsuits, because both people with genital herpes and people who have abortions love to snorkel and kayak and do so all the time!

And the name could be something like Abortastic, or maybe Unresponsibilia. Better yet, let’s call it Tylen-all and put it on the end cap of the pain reliever aisle in the drug store. We might just get a few free ones that way.

Shit, I’ll go one further: As long as we’re being deceptive, let’s make it the first smokeable abortifacient and we can just slip it into cigarettes. Smoke while you’re pregnant - you’re no longer pregnant. That doesn’t seem unfair.

Long story short, I really need to stop reading non-fiction books that paint a gloomy picture about the future of our planet. It’s really getting me down.

12 comments:

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

You know, you've got a point. How about RU-nokedup

surviving myself said...

I like Abortastic. What about Abortatron? No, that sounds too electronic.

Rachel said...

Mifepristone? Please. How about something like UterScrub or Reliefasol?

Courtney said...

UterScrub! Good one, Rachel.

I say let's use the acronym DINK (double income no kids) and call it Dinkinol. The commercials can feature attractive young couples going on exotic vacations and coming home to their nice house that is not littered with toys.

Noelle said...

I'd just call it "Ooops!"

The Modern Gal said...

Can I get a pronounciation on that name?

Aaron said...

Sometimes a post is just too perfect for comments. This is one of those.

sid said...

Mickey I love how your brain works. I could never have thought up something this brilliant. I'll just might be sending my 3 readers to your blog again.

A Free Man said...

Unresponsibilia has just gotten you a new reader, sir.

Julie said...

Awwww. Are you experiencing a deep, dark, creative depression? 'Cause you've been extremely creative lately and I hadn't thought about it being due to non-fiction overload. If it's true, Jacob will be very jealous.

Chris said...

Isn't that already how cigarettes work? You smoke -- you're no longer pregnant. OK, so not quite.

Despite the ever-exciting pro-life/pro-choice debate in the political world, it's still a major taboo to promote the concept of abortion in our culture. And reasonably so, I think, when we have so many less-gruesome ways to prevent unwanted pregnancy. (Well, some of us do. Devoted Republicans only have abstinence, I suppose.)

A few years ago, I read that no major character on a prime-time TV show had ever had an abortion. Not sure if that's still true, but it makes an interesting factoid nevertheless.

nancypearlwannabe said...

How much money do you think it would take to get Palin to endorse this drug? I'm thinking not much at this point...