Friday, August 15, 2008

I'll call him Paul, because Harry's already taken

Have you guys seen this? No really, click the link or the rest of this will make no sense.

Bigfoot in north Georgia? If they had some blurry photos instead of an alleged corpse I could explain that away pretty easily: My big, hairy friend Jacob was backpacking there just a couple months ago. In just the right light and viewed through heavy undergrowth, he could perhaps be mistaken for a sasquatch.

As far as I know, though, Jake hasn't spent his time since then stuffed in a freezer awaiting DNA testing.

Now, as convincing as the evidence may seem (and who's not convinced by a photo of a hairy humanoid with inexplicably good teeth stuffed into a chest freezer by a couple of good ol' Georgia boys?), I have to offer my own contrary testament: I have spent a whole lot of time wandering the mountains of north Georgia and the largest bipedal creature I have yet encountered is very probably Jacob. And he is not a sasquatch. I'm pretty sure.

Come to think of it, the largest carnivore I've ever seen in the state of George was a bobcat, which is pretty cool but I'd trade that sighting for a bigfoot encounter any day. Except maybe all those days when I go hiking alone, because bigfoot, seeing as he (or she) is 7-foot-7 and 550 pounds, could likely twist my head clean off my shoulders with one massive, hirsute hand. Unless of course it just wants to be friends, in which case we will sit together on the mossy forest floor and share my bag of trail mix while exchanging interspecial pleasantries, likely through improvised sign language augmented with the occasional grunt.

At least that's how I picture it. Bigfoot would probably really like the M&Ms.

12 comments:

Courtney said...

Just to be sure, I think Jacob should contribute a DNA sample to be compared with the alleged Bigfoot's.

I wish I were a reporter in Palo Alto so I could cover that "news conference." Not that I think these guys should be getting any attention, but it will still probably be amusing.

Aaron said...

I would like to see an epic smackdown between Bigfoot and the Yeti. My money's on the snowman, frankly.

Allie said...

I don't know -- you're not supposed to give dogs chocolate because it's poisonous to them. Maybe hold off on the M&M's, just in case Bigfoot has similar chocolate reactions. :)

Julie said...

Why did they drag the 'body' to CA if they found it in GA. Were the laws there more favorable towards man-sasquatch relations?

And you can't introduce him to trailmix by sharing only M&Ms. It's not trail mix unless you have a raisin and peanut with that chocolate candy.

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

I wonder if Bigfoot would like those new premium M&Ms.

sid said...

In South Africa we have lions, hippos and elephants. There is no need to invent creature like Big Foot.

em said...

Bigfoot prefers skittles.

Anonymous said...

If this story is true, we will finally find out if it is the left or right foot that is big.

hightower

Stefanie said...

It could totally be Bigfoot. But then, I'm reading those crazy "Twilight" books at the moment, meaning I've got vampires and werewolves on the brain, so I may be more than a bit biased.

Also, I am disappointed that I missed the contest. This is what happens when I let my feed reader stack up on me.

Chris said...

I don't know whether you caught this follow-up article, but you should read it: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26244241/

Apparently, the guys mixed a little human and possum fluid for the DNA sample. The sad thing is: they probably thought that would work. The scientist would be like: "This is a combination I have not seen before. Bigfoot is apparently closely related to the opossum."

Dumb asses.

Jacob said...

Yeah, turns out that it was just a gorilla suit frozen in a block of ice. The BBC reported that two researchers purchased the corpse and had to wait for it to thaw before they realized the feet and hands were rubber.

nancypearlwannabe said...

Really? I always kind of thought Bigfoot would be a Reese's Pieces type of creature.