Thursday, March 13, 2008

This one has the f-word in it (thrice)

Remember that post I wrote a few weeks back about driving slower to save gas? Well, between that and occasionally riding my bike and the bus to work, I’ve been saving gas and reducing air pollution by the bucketful. I’m not Hindu, but that’s the kind of behavior that’s supposed to build up good karma, right?

Not if you aren’t Hindu, apparently.

Let me back up a bit to last Friday and set the scene for you: I’m cruising along doing 55 in the far right lane on my way home from work, like the 90-year-old in a Buick I will one day become. Before my fuel efficiency epiphany, I had happily buzzed along in the left two lanes going 65 and passing all the trucks as they lumbered up the long hills. Now I do absolutely no passing at all as the traffic whizzes by me and anyone who gets behind me is going to be there a while unless they muscle-up and go around. But, and here's the catch, when that person tailing my bumper for about three miles happens to be a cop, it means he has ample time to notice that my tag expired 11 months ago. Mother fucker!

Don’t get me wrong; I don’t fault the cop at all for giving me a $132 ticket. He was a nice guy and I was completely cooperative and friendly with him, as it should be. And my registration had in fact expired almost a year ago, which is 100% my own fault. I never got the customary notice in the mail from the county that it was almost up, but it’s my responsibility to stay on top of these things.

What really fucking pisses me off about the whole thing is that I never would have been pulled over if I had been speeding LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. The reasons for me to be puttering along in the right lane doing the speed limit were entirely altruistic and instead of some cosmic thanks, I get a big FUCK YOU from the traffic gods. Well screw the traffic gods; from now on I’m praying to Vishnu. Maybe then I can cash in some of this karma.

20 comments:

Aaron said...

Proving my long-held theory that not-crime doesn't pay. Effing karma.

Or in the spirit of this post, fucking karma.

Aaron said...

Although then again, technically you were committing a crime, so I don't know. I do like saying "fuck", though. Or, in this case, typing it.

nancypearlwannabe said...

This justifies my cruising along at a speed approaching 80 on my way to work in the mornings. What? That's how people drive in Boston!

No, seriously. The idea of driving 55 mph on the highway around here is ludicrous. Someone would follow you home and bash your head in if you tried.

em said...

Well at least all that money you're saving on gas can now pay for the ticket?

Stefanie said...

I was going to say what Em said. Also, just because it's in the spirit of the post, I was going to say Fuck. Fuck.

Bummer about the ticket.

Meaghan said...

Sure, you should have gotten your tags renewed, but I'm once again appalled at the fucking cops for pulling over someone with an expired tag instead of someone who was speeding and who could have caused a wreck - even a fatal one at that!

Cop's thought: "Screw saving a life and making the roads ultimately a little safer, this guy has EXPIRED TAGS!!!!"

Mickey said...

meaghan- As long as you are ranting: My last ticket for running a red light (rolling right on red; sue me) garnered a $50 ticket. Running a red light can potentially lead to a fatal accident. Fifty bucks. Expired tags? $132. Does that make sense?

Courtney said...

Fuckity fuckity foo. Sorry, kiddo.

surviving myself said...

I think courtney's comment pretty much sums it up.

but also, I wanted to say, don't give in to the lure of the Buick man. Don't do it!

Noelle said...

You're paying for the time you went 80 before your gas epiphany. that's the bitch about karma, it's random.

Anonymous said...

i am guessing that $132 doesnt include your tag fee to get a new sticker does it?

hightower

Anonymous said...

After reading this I just realized how lucky I am. Over two years ago, a THP guy pulled from behind me on Kingston Pike into the right lane and motion for me to roll down my window. He told me my tag was expired by 6 month. I told him I did not know it was expired and I thanked him for letting me know, and I went ahead and got my tag that day. I am just thankful he did not give me a ticket.

I am sorry you did not have as good luck as what I did.

Mickey said...

courtney- That's about right.

survivingmyself- No, I'll never be that guy. I'm getting it out of my system right now.

noelle- But I've never been an 80-mile-an-hour guy. Maybe it's payback for all those puppies I've kicked.

hightower- No, it doesn't, but since I didn't pay it last year I figure I can basically subtract that from the fine.

anonymous- Vishnu was smiling on you.

The Modern Gal said...

I have to say it: No good deed goes unpunished.

And kudos on some well-placed F-bombs. Maybe they'll earn you some Karma credit.

Allie said...

Aw! Sorry to hear about your ticket. Now the traffic gods owe you big time.

Mickey said...

modern gal- Thanks. I like cussing. It feels right.

allie- No, I'm done with them, for real. It's Vishnu from here on out.

Jacob said...

Tag=lost tax revenue.
Red light doesn't have the high potential for revenue that speeding does nor involves enforcement of taxes.

At least you'll be incarnated at a higher position next life. Who knows, your previous environmental hypocrisy could have had you coming back as one of those guys who salvages trashed electronics in 3rd world countries next time.

Mickey said...

jacob- That's what I figure, too. And I've also read that NG article about the recycling of electronics components. You ain't got shit on me today.

Julie said...

[Summoning spirit of Nelson; pointing finger] Ha, ha.

laurie said...

ah, this made me laugh.

first time i was ever pulled over was for expired plates. and, like you, i was in the middle of doing a good deed--i was driving a very heavily pregnant co-worker home from work after a late night.

if i'd just gone straight home instead of detouring to her house, i would never have been caught.