I just, for the first time, went ahead and used a little of the hand moisturizer that's in the bathroom here at work. Mistake. Now my hands smell like baby powder which by association means they smell like baby. I do not want to smell like baby. The scent was labeled "Powder Fresh" and they apparently didn't mean 14 inches of fresh powder waiting for first tracks in the backside bowls at Copper Mountain.
And this, my sweet-smelling friends, is why I do not approve of artificial scents: They are a deception. There is no baby powder in this room much less a baby on which to apply it, yet my head right now is filled with the scent of baby, albeit non-poopy baby. Most of you will probably...I'm sorry, I've got to go wash this shit off my hands immediately.
Christ, that's better. No, wait, it's still there. Real baby powder would have washed right off and left me in peace. It's probably those toxic parabens.
As I was saying, most of you probably agree that baby powder is not a desirable odor to be emanating from an adult. If you do like to smell like baby powder and you're older than two, then you probably crochet and listen to the Gaither Family Singers (these are not random characterizations).
But what about honeysuckle? Everyone likes the sweet, flowery scent of honeysuckle. I know I do. It's one of the best smells there is. But dammit, if I smell honeysuckle I want there to be a honeysuckle bush nearby or it's just a cruel, cruel lie! Why does no one else get this? L. Ron (or "evolution" for the unenlightened) gave us noses to help us negotiate the world of olfactory sensation, and we're just muddling it up with all these fake, misleading scents.
AND MY HANDS STILL REEK OF POWDERED INFANT ASS!
I've got more to say today, but that's going to have to be it for now.