Wednesday, March 5, 2008

In brief: Sometimes I want to rip my ears off with the staple remover

(I actually e-mailed this post to this site yesterday intending for it to be published immediately, but it just now showed up here. I'm slowly learning why the Wordpress people are so down on Blogger. See also the inexplicably small pics in my sidebar. Anyway, this felt urgent at the time, but I guess it hasn't lost its relevance, which is to say it's not relevant to anything at all, which makes it timeless.)

Another overheard phone conversation from my illustrious co-worker, moments ago:

"I want to re-name my ferrets. I want them to have two names that go together. I was thinking of naming one of them Marshall and the other one Mathers. Isn't that cute?!"

No, actually. No it most certainly is not. But while you're at it, why don't you rename your dog Kid Rock and you can get a pair of matching sugar gliders and call them Lynyrd and Skynyrd. Now THAT would be UNBELIEVABLY fucking CUTE!

I'm sorry. I'm just getting a little tired of "cute."

Whatever happened to Eminem, anyway?


Jacob said...

He retired.

That's not a joke either.

The Modern Gal said...

Ten dollars says she doesn't even know who Marshall Mathers is.

Aaron said...

Weird, just after reading the words "Marshall" and "Mathers", my first thought was, "What happened to that dipswitch?"

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

He got fat.

Meaghan said...

I'm just going to keep saying it: Bless her heart!

Noelle said...

Um... my dog is named Lynard.

Down with Blogger! Long live wordpress! (Seriously, I've never been happier.)

I'm just kidding about my dog. If I even had a dog, I'd totally name it Billy Ray.

em said...

Eminem got fat and is also sort of sick, i think, and he also "wrote" a book that is coming out soon.

I am an English dork so I shouldnt mind this, but it really bothers me when people give their pets literary names they dont think other people will get.

Did you ever see that episode of Family Guy where Peter has the news segment called "You know what really grinds my gears" or something like that? This is how I feel today.

On the other hand I always wanted to get a dog and name it Hunter S. because my last name is Thompson. And yes, I know how lame that is, so I will not do it.

stan said...

wait, wait. she has ferrets (two) and now she wants a sugar glider?! can those species live together in harmony?
i keep thinking of that scene in ace ventura where all his pets come out of hiding. the best is the penguins that emerge from a dog-door on the front of the freezer. this is how i imagine this woman's house.
yes, i did just reference ace ventura: pet detective.

Courtney said...

Stan: Ain't nothin' wrong with Ace Ventura. Don't be ashamed.

Marshall and Mathers are the least cute names ever. I'm surprised she didn't go with Sonny and Cher or something equally obvious.

nancypearlwannabe said...

Wait, why does she think that naming her two ferrets after Eminem is cute? I'm not following the logic. Or is that the point?

Anonymous said...

is there any way that you can tape such a conversation with icw and put the audio on the blog? if you are not able to put on the blog, would you atleast email it to me? oh yeah, cute blog by the way.


survivingmyself said...

Wordpress my friend. Come to the other side.

Also, I'm glad Em is out of my life. I always tell people that he was the most overrated hip-hop artist of all time. Yes, he's talented, but if he was black, he'd be just another rapper.

Mickey said...

jacob- Damn shame.

modern gal- Oh, surely she knows. She's a white kid from the country with tatoos. They love that shit.

aaron- Dipswitch. Ha!

dutchess- Isn't that always the story?

meaghan- Your only mean when it suits you.

noelle- It's only a matter of time before I make the switch. Billy Ray? Two names are bad enough on people, let alone dogs.

em- If it were any name other than the good doctor's, I'd agree it would be lame. Because it's HST, though, it would just be cool.

stan- She says she doesn't feel right without a house full of animals. Like with most pet owners, I think they take the place of human babies. Sad. And Ace Ventura was a seminal film.

courtney- Sonny and Cher would not have incurred my wrath. It's the white trashiness of Marshall and Mathers that's doing it for me.

npw- That is the point. There is nothing cute about it.

hightower- F you. And I'll get to work on the audio. No promises.

survivingmyself- There was a time when I would have defended his skillz, but I think you're right.

Allie said...

I had a friend who was going for his PhD in poetics and was convinced that Mr. Mathers was actually a genius pretending to be all trashy because all of his songs are written in iambic pentameter or something like that.

I'm guessing that's not why ICW likes him enough to rename her ferrets though.

Chris said...

Won't the ferrets get confused if she renames them now? They've probably grown accustomed to answering to their current names.

Mickey said...

allie- I will say there is something very compelling about his rhyme scheme, but I think she likes him because he's white, street, and cusses a lot. Or maybe he, too, is cute.

chris- Thank you. You're the first person to recognize the real tragedy here: potentially confused ferrets.

Jacob said...

Mickey, you're a liar. You said I hadn't commented in two weeks. I posted two days ago (the last time you put up new content.) Loser.

J-Money said...

As someone who named her dog after a (dead) member of the Grateful Dead, I can't snicker too much.

Although I think it would be more poetic if she named one ferret Marshall and one Kim and just allowed nature to take its course, assuming that the Marshall ferret had access to a car trunk and a rhyming dictionary.

Kiala said...

I'm going to say something you will not like.

I think the idea of naming two ferrets Marshall and Mathers is fucking awesome.

No, I do not drink my wine from a box.

sid said...

Wait ... what? He actually had a phone conversation about what he was going to name his pets? Wow what does this person do for fun? Watch paint dry?

Mickey said...

j-money- That's pretty good. A fan of the double M, I presume?

kiala- This will sound completely obnoxious and uber-hipster, but it's only fucking awesome if it's done with irony, and this particular pet-owner barely understands reality, let alone irony. I hate myself for saying that.

sid- It's a she, and what she does for fun is acquire pets and think up cute names for them. My kind of gal.

J-Money said...

Yes, yes, I know all of the words to most of his songs. Sigh. I hope we can still be friends.

Winter said...

What about when couples wear matching clothes? Is that okay?

Julie said...

When Matt finally breaks down and lets me get a puppy, I'm going to name him Parker Lewis.