There is no man behind the curtain

I’ve been an adult for a while now, long enough to know for sure that we should abolish the word "adult" from the language altogether. There is no such thing as the enlightened state of mature, rational, responsible thinking we presume to call "adulthood." Whenever I hear an "adult" tell a child or a teenager to "grow up" because that child is behaving badly or, worse still, expressing idealistic ideas or opinions, I cringe with the knowledge that an evil myth is being perpetuated by someone who probably voted for Bush, drives an SUV because the TV told them to and thinks Red Lobster serves great seafood. I know it will come as no surprise to any of my readers when I declare that the world is populated by, and under the ostensible control of, a whole bunch of lying, delusional, impressionable teenage-type personalities, a.k.a. all of us. You probably even agree with me.

You need look no further than our consumer culture to verify this. I refer you back to the SUV, specifically the SUV versus the minivan. Did anyone ever buy a minivan because it looks cool? No. Did anyone ever buy an SUV for any other reason than it looks cool? Yes, a few people in Montana purchased SUVs because they like the idea of four-wheel-drive in the winter, but the rest of us bought them because they’re cool, and the only reason they’re cool is because our peers told us so and bought one themselves. Just like that awesome Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle backpack you had in fifth grade. Okay, so vigilante katana blade-wielding reptilian martial artists are a pretty cool idea, but you still just wanted to impress your friends.

Adults are just kids with more money, susceptible to the same pressures and lapses in judgment they were as children. Watch Saturday-morning television sometime. You’ll be amazed at all the commercials you don’t see in the evenings for things like Bubble Tape, Tyco RC Terrainiac Vehicles, and the Disney Princess Royal Cash Register (seriously!) You’ll remember how dumb you must have been to fall for such ridiculous pitches until you think about the ads that sell Ronco rotisserie ovens and McRibs to adults by the millions.

None of this is really a problem (beyond the obvious consumer excesses and ensuing physical and spiritual byproducts) until you consider the fact that we all, knowing full well that we never actually grew up and became responsible, all-knowing seers of truth, think that someone else did and they’re taking care of things. Basically, no one is in charge, and the people we think are in charge don’t know any more than the rest of us. That’s really scary because I don’t know shit.

What is even scarier is how little those who do have a little more say in things than the rest of us actually know. Will there ever be a more short-sighted, arrogant, and bone-headed decision by a world power than the current White House administration’s refusal to accede to the carbon emission standards put forth by the other nations of the world? We should all be embarrassed to call them our leaders. I am.

Gimme a break. It’s been a while since I’ve had a good rant.