Wednesday, December 19, 2007

And the award goes to...

Don’t worry; this is like the Special Olympics. Everyone’s getting an award.

I just started blogging, and therefore reading blogs, in October and would like to take the time now to thank those who have given me a reason to wake up every morning. Seriously. It’s an addiction. If a day goes by and I don’t know how Tannenbaum’s ankle is doing, how many hours NPW spent playing Xbox last night or which quirky ancestor Jacob has been dreaming about, I feel completely lost and confused.

That being said, quality counts. No mere compulsion is going to keep any one of you on my blog roll. Actually, that’s obviously not true; I’m pretty much obligated to keep Courtney in the number one spot. And really, my standards aren’t that high: If you’ve ever commented on my blog, you make the list.

I’ve been lucky, though. Despite my ridiculously lax requirements, every blog you see on the left is worth a read. And read them I do. Every day. And when days go by with no update, it makes me sad. I’m sure other folks will do some sort of year-end blog round-up post, but this one is more like a year-end, Christmas present thank you to all who keep me entertained on a daily basis (and those slackers who do it on a weekly or every-ten-or-twelve-days basis, ahem, Chris).

Thus I give you, my faceless friends of Blogland (as twenty-seven trumpets sound the fanfare)…

The Prettiest Denny’s Waitress 2007 Holiday Most Awards Banquet Extravaganza Roast!
presented in HD with your host,
Don Rickles!
(actually, we couldn’t afford Don Rickles)
Dennis Haskins!
(him neither)
Tony Danza!
(no, really it’s just me typing this out, but that’d be cool if I could hire Tony Danza to come to work with me and take this down as I dictate)

Damn, I totally just ruined the buzz from that spectacular intro. On with it.

Most Intense and Emphatically Anti-Procreation…Whatever Happened to School House Rock!
For whatever reason, when I read Meaghan’s posts, they feel very frantic. She clearly has the ability to communicate her frustration and a sense of urgency through her writing, but take it easy girl! I frequently feel worn out by the end. She has sprinkled a few reflective posts in for good measure to give us a break, but gee whiz, just get your tubes tied already and call it good!

Most Completely Ridiculous and Irrational Fear…Daily Newsie!
Toilets that do not work exactly as she expects them to, either due to malfunction, discoloration of the water, or unfamiliar foreign design, bring on Daily Newsie’s acute crapperphobia! No kidding!

Most Adaptive and Orthopedically Informative…(duh) Daily Tannenbaum!
The first time I read her blog was day two of NaBloPoMo. Her post on day one had outlined the 30 activities she planned to do and blog about for the month of November. That very evening of November 1st, a vicious kickball accident left both her ankle and her plans in tatters. Uncomfortably ensconced in her kitchen/bedroom, she persevered, entertaining us with harrowing tales of her run-ins with various medical "professionals" and the on-going trials of a one-legged life.

Most Historically Accurate (as far as we know)…Jacob’s Land of Bliss and Blisters!
Between laments of his newfound parenthood, Jacob has entertained us with stories of his unsurprisingly quirky geneology, the hardships of 19th-century Native Americans, politics in Africa, and of course all about beer. Lots of beer.

Most Environmentally Enlightening…Allies Answers!
Every day, Allie presents us with a new set of tips for living a little greener or passes on information from the ecological battlefront. Check it out if you haven’t already. It’ll make you a better person, I promise.

Most Nepotistic…Malfeasance!
Yeah, I have to give an award to my lady friend unless I want to sleep on the couch. Shit, now I’m going to anyway. Why can’t I just be nice? Alright, here goes: Courtney’s struggles with the morons that have advised her post-grad efforts and the morons that she works with have provided us with many laughs and even more consternation. Seriously, anyone who can hear a uterus explode from across the room is okay by me.

Most Underachieving…Bacon Soup!
Seriously, Severo, you started off so strong with this. Lately, though, you’ve been dropping the ball. We give you so much beautiful material to work with, it should be easy. Shit, Jacob’s blog alone… Stay focused man; your work has been good so far, but you can do so much better.

Most Out of the Blue…Traveling Em!
An old friend from my young and stupid days, I Googled her name a couple weeks ago only to discover her blog detailing her current experiences teaching math in Moscow. Russia, not Idaho! Don’t I feel like a worthless shit!

Most Adept At Making Inane Details Hilarious…Musings of a Semi-Coherent Mind!
This may be too generous, given the dubious honors bestowed upon some of the other children, but she earns it. What is the life of a school librarian if not a continuum of hilarious inanity? She captures it and blesses us all with her spin. Two words: fart-off.

Most Maddeningly Infrequent…Another Way to Waste Time Online!
You saw this coming. Chris hands in very well composed, thoughtful and hilarious posts…every two weeks! Okay, so maybe it’s actually once a week and the guy works hard and has to travel a lot. So quit your job, if that’s what it takes! You’ve found your true calling, now run with it!

And that’s everyone. I’m still on the lookout for other blogs to add to my roll, but I’m extremely discerning. Really, just tell people to throw me some comments and they’re in. Until then, Happy Holidays to all, especially those who may now feel slighted by this post.

15 comments: said...

Aw, shucks. Thanks! I was going to take a week off for Christmas, but now that I know I'm in danger of falling off your blogroll, I guess I'll have to keep coming up with entertaining shit.

Mickey said...

Damn straight.

Courtney said...

I'm honored to be the most nepotistic of all your blogfriends.

Meaghan said...

Thanks for mentioning me, even if it was an insult. We can't all be as funny and light-hearted as Mickey, Chris, Courtney, Jacob, Severo...

Julie said...

Geez, Mickey! I think you left one off the list. How about a "Reader So Dedicated She Doesn't Even Have Time To Make Her Own Blog Blog-Commenter?!" Just because I use my precious words commenting on your blog instead of making my own does not make me any less deserving of a Christmas Award. I will take my praise now. Thanks.

Mickey said...

How evil am I if I keep checking my own blog just to click on the Special Olympics picture link and then laugh hysterically every single time?

nancypearlwannabe said...

What? I win? You KNOW how I love to win! When can I expect my prize?

Chris said...

Holy crap, is that a Photoshopped pic of Tony Danza behind the link? Does he have some alter-ego I don't know about?

Meaghan said...

Kind of random: Dennis Haskins came to Berry for Marthapalooza (on Mountain Day). So maybe we could get him for just such an occasion.

Mickey said...

Chris- That really is Tony Danza. Underneath that shit-eating grin and energetic personality has always lurked the Dark Lord of Heavy Metal.

Meaghan- Your award was only half insult. And Dennis Haskins should pay us for the honor.

Julie- You've got to earn it.

NPW- The smothering praise and hilarious picture-links aren't prize enough?!

Jacob said...

Dennis Haskins once hit on my sister at some conference she went to. He was a guest speaker there and she met him at a bar afterwards. She said he was really nice and she got a signed photo from him that she's got framed and keeps in her bathroom.

Rachel said...

YAY! I win!

... or lose, because I'm scared of toilets. Dammit.

Severo said...

WTF? what kind of fucked up awards are these? underachiever? considering the fact that i detest the concept of blogging and only do it to entertain you losers, i'd say i'm doing a pretty damn good job if i post just once a week.

fine... you've done it this time Mickey. I was trying to be nice but now i will unleash my fury on my fellow bloggers.

everyone, blame mickey for the wrath that is about to rain down on you all.....

Mickey said...

Severo- Isn't that what you set out to do in the first place? Bring it.

Allie said...

Hey Mickey! Thanks so much! I really appreciate it!

Happy Holidays!