I once killed a man who wore velcro shoes on Valentine’s Day with a scented candle. It was a starry night, cold and clear. I remember it well because it was my birthday. And because I killed a man.
That was for Rachel. I had more, but it wasn’t going anywhere but downhill after that introduction. Weak excuse, I know, but I just couldn’t think of a convincing or hilarious method to end someone’s life with a candle. Actually, all of my formidable mental powers have been almost entirely monopolized all day by that damn geography challenge I linked to from Jacob’s blog. Seriously, I’ve been at it all day, but I cannot get to that damn level 12. It’s the nations of Africa that get me. There are just so many and they all sound the same. That sounded racist.
I had nothing but potato chips for lunch today and let me tell you why: I could have sworn Courtney was making a lunch last night that did not include the leftover pizza, but when I was ready to leave for work this morning and went to get the pizza and put it in my cooler…no pizza! I know! What a bitch, right?! Who needs sliced cheese and pizza? Cheese overload!
See, I just did that annoying thing where I ended a sentence with "right?" Has anyone else noticed this? The phrase is usually "I know, right?," and everyone’s saying it these days, hence the annoying part. It probably came from Paris Hilton, which makes me think: I have no idea what Paris Hilton is doing these days. Is that even possible? We should probably thank Britney Spears for that.
Man, this blog has taken a serious downward turn. I never found a track to get on with this one, and see where that gets you? Paris and Britney, that’s where. But who hasn’t already been there? Zing!
I apologize for this. Please come back tomorrow.