Friday, February 27, 2009

And she'll never grow up to bite your face off

Oh, wait- that was a chimp. But I'm sure orangutans are just as vicious.

This lovely reminder of the depths of human ridiculousness was tucked inside last Sunday's newspaper. This is why the terrorists hate us:

In case it doesn't jump out at you from the image above (or you are too distracted by the hideously creepy fake baby monkey face), the obvious is stated across the top of the page: The most incredibly lifelike baby monkey ever!

We've finally done it. We have achieved. Forget about that real baby monkey you've been saving up for. It is now obsolete.

But for those of you wondering if, for your five easy payments of only $27.99, you're getting one of those crappy vinyl monkeys that are always falling apart and fade to albino the first time you leave it in the sun, set those fears aside:

And believe me, you will be touching. And how. Because fake baby monkeys don't bruise and they won't be telling their day-care provider anything.


(shivers)

Why, god?

17 comments:

nancypearlwannabe said...

Thank you! I just ordered one for myself. It's going to be so awesome when I put it on Chris's side of the bed and wait for him to settle down for sleep. Hee!

JustinS said...

Huh...

Surprisingly still less creepy than some of those anatomically correct human dolls. You know, like Angelina Jolie?

Stefanie said...

That is quite possibly the scariest thing I've seen all week. Sheesh.

Allie said...

That is just so wrong. Why? Why? Why?

Oh and the "soft and pliable to your every touch" part ups the creepy factor to a whole new level. Ick.

Courtney said...

My favorite part is "The most incredibly lifelike baby monkey ever!" Forget all the other baby monkeys you've come across -- THIS one is the MOST LIFELIKE!

You're welcome for the blog fodder, by the way. (I found this, remember?)

Chris said...

To your every touch?!? What the hell did they think that meant?

It's not even a double entendre or an accidental innuendo. Did you get this ad out your monthly NAMBLA newsletter, Mickey?

Julie said...

Yeah, I'm torn between being more scared by the crazies touching the monkey for it's pliable parts and the crazies dressing this up like their child and walking it in a stroller around the park.

Blogstiny said...

I'd like to see the numbers on how many of these were/are sold. Then we can send a plane of those people to the terrorists and save the rest of us the hassle. Creepy for sure.

The Modern Gal said...

Both those stupid "lifelike" figurine ads and the Amish fireplace ads make me want to cancel my paper.

sid said...

I don't understand. Why would any kid want to play with a monkey dressed up as a baby? I would think that most kids would want a monkey that looks like a monkey ... so that they can pretned that it's swinging from trees etc. They don't want to pretend that the monkey acts like a baby .. doing nothing but sleeping, pooping and eating ...

surviving myself said...

Well, there's some images for a nightmare soon to come.

Meaghan said...

That is the scariest damn thing I've seen in a long time. I don't understand the audience for things like this. And I put plates with dogs pictures, coins with Barak Obama's face on them and the Snuggie in the same category - just plain weird!

DailyNewsie said...

That face will haunt my dreams. I don't understand why people buy that crap, or this crap: http://www.commercialsihate.com/print/wowtd.html

What really scares me are those lifelike dolls that empty-nesters are buying now to make believe they still have kids. I saw something about them on a talk show once and couldn't look away -- it was like a train wreck. Get a dog, people!

A Free Man said...

Why?

Why the hell not.

Is there any wonder that the worldwide economy is imploding?

Fantastic Forrest said...

Hee hee hee hee!

Can't
stop
laughing
at
this
one!

melanie magee said...

just in time for halloween. im buying one along with a snuggie. i side is hurting laffing. oh my. thank you.!

melanie magee said...

2 words.
michael
jackson