Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Why are the jobs you could do perfectly well while intoxicated always the ones worried so much about it?

I was just completing an online questionnaire for a crappy job with an inventory service when I was confronted with a rather complicated question concerning morality and social responsibility. Right after blindsiding me with counting exercises (How many circles are pictured below?) and complex math (If a case contains four boxes and there are eight cases, how many boxes are there?), they really jumped into quite the ethical debate with the following:

Which of the following statements would you most agree with:

A. An employee who abuses illegal drugs should be dealt with to the strictest letter of the law.
B. An employee who abuses illegal drugs should only be disciplined if it negatively affects their job performance.
C. Whether a person chooses to use drugs is their own choice and they should be free to do so.

Obviously, the "correct" answer (if you want a job) is A, right? Of course it is, until you get to option D:

D. Drug abuse negatively affects both the individual as well as society as a whole and it is an illness that needs to be treated clinically.

Holy curveballs! Am I supposed to divine the politics of this particular company before answering this questionnaire? The other questions got no more controversial than "How often do you miss work due to illness?" and now we're going to debate the argument at the core of the War on Drugs?

Jesus Harold Christ.

I'm still thinking the answer they were looking for here was A, but I went with D to keep my conscience clear. Sure, I lied on the rest of them ("How hard would your coworkers say you work?" B. Harder than most), but I had to play this one straight.

For that $8 an hour they're offering, I'll be more than happy to debate the usefulness of the War on Drugs.


Julie said...

I know of a company hiring in Kennesaw for $30 - $35,000 per year. But I would assume they have the same drug policies. Of course, it is working with physicians, so I suppose it's Ok if you have a prescription.

Anonymous said...

Heh. you made me laugh. I have been filling these out also and always wonder wth? :)
Good luck..

sid said...

Seriously? Bloody hell ...

Stefanie said...

Mind games before you even start working there? Just imagine what fun will be in store once you're on the payroll!

Allie said...

Wow. Just, wow.

Also, I'm a little concerned about the disappearance of your face and the subsequent blueness of your head.

Noelle said...

And that is why I so badly want to be the head of a human resources department. Oh, the power of the almighty mindfuck!

A Free Man said...

Why is it that the shitest jobs have the most byzantine pre-employment requirements. Do they do random drug testing as well? Is it Wal-Mart? No, because there would be no option D at Wal-mart, or C for that matter.

nancypearlwannabe said...

Good for you for going with D. Pot is a DISEASE, people!

Anonymous said...

That title is so true. I'm an attorney, and honestly, I could be a meth addict and no one I work with would know it, at least not until my teeth started falling out.

Chris said...

I'm with Noelle: it'd be fun to be the person in charge of making up these questionnaires.

How high are you right now?
A: The nerve of you! I've never used an illegal substance in my life.
B: I've been clean since college, except the occasional smoke while away on vacation.
C: I caught a little contact high off my roommates last night, but I'm over it now.
D: Shit, I don't even know how I ended up in this room. This test is so freakin' hard.