This afternoon, my grandmother came back from her doctor's appointment with a bottle of Mickey's Malt Liquor for me. That's right: Mommom bought me a 40. Of course it was the name of the cut-rate beverage that she thought I would enjoy and she was disappointed when I told her that I had heard of it and in fact have a t-shirt featuring the logo. I'll be wearing it to dinner tonight.
You may have gotten the impression from my last post that my grandmother is a bit of a character. Now you know for sure. Let me count the ways:
1. Despite my insistence to the contrary, she likely will not be helping me down the 40 of Mickey's later on because she generally only drinks Coors Light or Inglenook White Zinfandel.
2. None of the plates in the kitchen match and she keeps all the spoons in a glass on the table, although if you use one to eat your macaroni salad she'll call you a baby.
3. Going against the unwritten code that most oldsters live by, she stays up late and sleeps in. She also only uses SPF 8 sunscreen because she thinks it takes 30 years for skin cancer to develop and at 80 years old, that's a safe gamble.
4. She has DVR, but when she's catching up on her soaps she watches the commercials anyway. I think it's enough that she remembers how to record and watch her programs; fast-forwarding must be too much.
5. She can't hear and doesn't like to put her hearing aids in. She also only has one phone in the house and keeps it in the bedroom, so when it rings, even if she does hear it, she's not getting to it in time, so just call back.
I'm sure there's more. I could go into all the quirky things she has around the house, like the talking clock that shows signs of sentience from time to time*, the large collection of beach glass, or the outdoor shower that the neighbors must find really odd. There's nothing like showering under blue skies in a cool breeze, although biting flies can be a concern.
I love my grandmother.
Here's a picture of Shirley Temple about to get shitty on the good ship Malt Liquor.
*I swear, this one time the clock said "Two dollar and a tootsie roll." I was there.