Wednesday, July 9, 2008

This one's for my homies

Sometimes blog fodder just falls out of the sky. Sometimes your grandmother brings it home from the liquor store.

This afternoon, my grandmother came back from her doctor's appointment with a bottle of Mickey's Malt Liquor for me. That's right: Mommom bought me a 40. Of course it was the name of the cut-rate beverage that she thought I would enjoy and she was disappointed when I told her that I had heard of it and in fact have a t-shirt featuring the logo. I'll be wearing it to dinner tonight.

You may have gotten the impression from my last post that my grandmother is a bit of a character. Now you know for sure. Let me count the ways:

1. Despite my insistence to the contrary, she likely will not be helping me down the 40 of Mickey's later on because she generally only drinks Coors Light or Inglenook White Zinfandel.

2. None of the plates in the kitchen match and she keeps all the spoons in a glass on the table, although if you use one to eat your macaroni salad she'll call you a baby.

3. Going against the unwritten code that most oldsters live by, she stays up late and sleeps in. She also only uses SPF 8 sunscreen because she thinks it takes 30 years for skin cancer to develop and at 80 years old, that's a safe gamble.

4. She has DVR, but when she's catching up on her soaps she watches the commercials anyway. I think it's enough that she remembers how to record and watch her programs; fast-forwarding must be too much.

5. She can't hear and doesn't like to put her hearing aids in. She also only has one phone in the house and keeps it in the bedroom, so when it rings, even if she does hear it, she's not getting to it in time, so just call back.

I'm sure there's more. I could go into all the quirky things she has around the house, like the talking clock that shows signs of sentience from time to time*, the large collection of beach glass, or the outdoor shower that the neighbors must find really odd. There's nothing like showering under blue skies in a cool breeze, although biting flies can be a concern.

I love my grandmother.

Here's a picture of Shirley Temple about to get shitty on the good ship Malt Liquor.

*I swear, this one time the clock said "Two dollar and a tootsie roll." I was there.

17 comments:

Courtney said...

She's also cool with anything you do in her house, so long as you make your bed in the morning. That's the only rule.

I love her too.

Julie said...

Rock on, Mommom.

I hope to be cool like that one day. Too bad I'm not cool like that now.

Rachel said...

Oh, my God, she sounds awesome.

Stefanie said...

I love grandma stories. Yours sounds hilarious.

Also, I am still jealous that you're still on vacation (even if you are spending it with family).

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

I am officially scared of your Mommom.

nancypearlwannabe said...

I just can't get over that your grandmother bought you a 40. Do you even know how awesome that is? I don't think my grandmother ever step foot in a liquor store in her life.

Allie said...

Oh! I love her! That's fantastic!

She should totally guest blog. :)

Amelia said...

I think the older Grandmas get the less they care about the little things. The older my Grama gets the more she cusses like a sailor. Most people would be offended hearing that language, but when it comes from an 80-something-year-old, it's just funny!

Alexis said...

Have you ever read Stephanie Plum novels? Grandma Mazur and your Grandma would be total pals

surviving myself said...

That's awesome. I also prefer Coors Light to most any other beer. We should hang out.

Pants said...

Your grandma sounds AWESOME!

Aaron said...

Your grandma does sound like a righteous character, but let's not get into "My Gramma is best" territory, because it always leads to fistfights and bruised feelings.

That said: your grandmother sounds bitchin'.

em said...

i like the sound of your grandma. i used to drink mickeys in high school. catholic high school girls are such badasses.

Chris said...

Cool post. Your grandmother's logic regarding the sunscreen and skin cancer development period is really just irrefutable.

Chris said...

On the other hand, if you're going to be a picky drinker, Coors Light should not be on your short list of beverages.

Meaghan said...

Your grandmother DOES sound cool! My grandmother was could down a good Bloody Mary or two... a little heavier than the Coors Light. And no, she wasn't an alcoholic, just an Irish Italian Catholic.

Will said...

40 ounces of Mickeys is more Mickeys than a man can bear. The smaller wide mouth bottles are almost tolerable though. Still, it's the Mommom thought that counts.