Thursday, June 26, 2008

It really packs a wallop when you inevitably punch a minority or a liberal in the face

That title might get me in trouble.

Just in case those of you in Vermont and Massachusetts and Minnesota and any of those other prideless places don't get the same stack of freebie coupons in the mail that we do, I want to pass along this "limited time offer.*" The Bradford Exchange is offering, at a cost of only 4 easy payments of $29.75 (plus $9 shipping and handling), the Pride of the South Civil War Commemorative Ring.

I know, I know, I know! It's just what you've been looking for! Now everyone (or at least those preoccupied with your fingers) will know exactly who you were pulling for in the War of Northern Aggression. May the brave soldiers of the Confederacy be forever memorialized on your racist, meth-brewing, Budweiser-clutching right hand.

That $128 "commission" for the ring? The kids didn't really need to go to the dentist anyway. Besides, there are no dentists in the bible (that's why all dentists are Jews.)

Seriously? A ring commemorating the losing side in a war from over 140 years ago? Really?

Sometimes I'm so glad I'm from Delaware.

*Full credit goes to Courtney for bringing this promotional flyer to my attention.

12 comments:

JustinS said...

You guys are getting ripped off. You can buy it on their website for only $99!

http://www.collectiblestoday.com/ct/product/prdid-1000105.jsp?_Bradford/_prod/_/_/_/_1011&endeca=true&abbr=brad&FP3

Also, if you do a search for the word "racist" on their site, you get a ton of NASCAR products on the results page. Yeah, I know it's probably just taking some liberty conjugating the word "race," but tell me that isn't appropriate, anyway. In fact, I'm going to start a petition to replace the word "racer" with "racist."

Pants said...

I just threw up all over my keyboard.

Courtney said...

Justins, you make me laugh! I'm sure many little boys dream of one day becoming a NASCAR racist.

If only I had a job so I could afford that shining jewel of a ring. The South shall rise again!

Meaghan said...

I love how it even has an inscriptions that says "Pride of the South." I'm thinking the same people buying these are the ones with the Dixie horns on their beat-up red pickup trucks... and possibly Toby Keith.

The Modern Gal said...

And the poor white trash people wonder why they're so poor.

Allie said...

Oh god! That's horrendous! There are so many many many things wrong with that. What the hell?

Aaron said...

Wow, dude, my circular coupons suck compared to yours!

Julie said...

Why don't companies give me coupons for things I actually want to buy?

Oh, right. Because I don't buy things from flyers like this.

Stefanie said...

You're right: I'm pretty sure we didn't get that one in Minnesota. I can't imagine why...

nancypearlwannabe said...

Chris saw this ad from across the room and yelled, "Holy shit! I NEED one of those!"

Thanks, Mickey.

surviving myself said...

In Delaware you could buy it tax free!

Delaware tax jokes are great!

Chris said...

No, no, no.

No self-respecting Southerner is going to buy anything described as "Civil War Commemorative."

Mickey said it correctly: "the War of Northern Aggression." If you want to pussy-foot around it, you can say War Between the States. But Civil War? Absolutely not.

This ad was designed by a damn Yankee, if not the stupid ring itself.