That title might get me in trouble.
Just in case those of you in Vermont and Massachusetts and Minnesota and any of those other prideless places don't get the same stack of freebie coupons in the mail that we do, I want to pass along this "limited time offer.*" The Bradford Exchange is offering, at a cost of only 4 easy payments of $29.75 (plus $9 shipping and handling), the Pride of the South Civil War Commemorative Ring.
I know, I know, I know! It's just what you've been looking for! Now everyone (or at least those preoccupied with your fingers) will know exactly who you were pulling for in the War of Northern Aggression. May the brave soldiers of the Confederacy be forever memorialized on your racist, meth-brewing, Budweiser-clutching right hand.
That $128 "commission" for the ring? The kids didn't really need to go to the dentist anyway. Besides, there are no dentists in the bible (that's why all dentists are Jews.)
Seriously? A ring commemorating the losing side in a war from over 140 years ago? Really?
Sometimes I'm so glad I'm from Delaware.
*Full credit goes to Courtney for bringing this promotional flyer to my attention.