Thursday, May 22, 2008

We could be really clever and start calling her Joyce DeWitt

Is there a better way to dust a dracaena than with a damp rag, leaf by enormous leaf? That bitch Janet*, champion dust collector (Living Room North End division), took forever to clean off yesterday. Plus, she’s about as tall as Courtney now and has grown top heavy (ahem, insert Courtney joke here, possibly referring to bra size, but without crossing the line), so I spent even more time trying to stake her up with an unused curtain rod and some twine to no avail. She’s going to need a heavier pot. No, dude, not some heavier pot, a heavier pot. She’s falling over.

And now I’m blogging about my house plants. Yes, I am at home on a Thursday afternoon dreaming of formerly dusty dracaenas because I am once again unemployed. All that Bejeweled and Zuma I was playing at that last job could only mean one thing: they did not need my temporary services after all. It just took them two weeks to figure it out. You should know that I left there Friday holding the IT Depot scoring records in not only Bejeweled and Zuma, but online Skee-Ball as well. I tend to leave my mark.

Due to pressing matters like dirty indoor greenery and my general aversion to the kind of work you can get paid for, I have opted not to contact the temp agency this week. I needed some time off anyway to do some spring cleaning, real job hunting (can anyone tell me how to do this?), catch up on your blogs, and take my walk in the woods. It’s that last part that someone needs to pay me for, because it’s what I’m best at.

Anyshway, it’s a beautiful day, so hopefully between giving our grubby apartment a springtime enema and looking for people who will give me money for doing things, I can get outside and breathe some more pollen and smog. At the very least, this fine weather portends a perfect evening in which to go see one of the finest novelty rock acts of the 1990s for absolute free down on Market Square. Anyone out there appreciate large quantities of peaches as much as I do? Millions of them, even?

*We’re not in the habit of naming our house plants. I think Janet is the cultivar name or something.


mstarra said...

i googled trees and this came up- quite wonderful.

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

Are those peaches free?

Allie said...

We actually refer to peaches as millions around here. Because we're weird and we find ourselves more amusing than we really are.

I so much love the idea of you guys having a houseplant named Joyce DeWitt.

I think you should start a business taking city slickers out backpacking. People would pay you for your mountain man skills. You start it -- I'll make backpacking with Mickey a tip of the day. :)

Noelle said...

I don't believe in naming houseplants. It's too hard to deal with when they die. And they always die.

ck said...

you and courtney are more than welcome to hang with us at my office (over bliss home) during the concert. just yell up through the window, "hey, i'm mickey!" and we might let you in. unless you think actually hanging out will destroy your blogging cred... then you can just look at us from the anonymity of the crowd, and imagine what might have been.

Courtney said...

Woo! Concert! Perhaps I'll sit alone in a buggy marsh, totally motionless except for my heart.

CK: We may take you up on that. Look for us! (Actually, listen for us. You don't know what we look like.)

Mickey said...

mstarra-Serendipity is always welcome.

dutchess- Yes they are.

allie- You should make that your tip of the day anyway. I go backpacking alone far too much.

noelle- Plant death prepares us for the even harsher inevitabilities of life and death. And makes us aware of our own ineptitude. I'm sorry- you were serious, right?

ck- Cool! We'll look for you if I can get over my fear of strangers.

courtney- I thought it was a boggy marsh.

Alexa said...

millions of peaches, peaches for free.

i have a rubber plant that i named. no i don't. i'm totally lying. haha.

have fun relaxing!im a wee bit jealous.

Julie said...

I'm going to chalk this lamest post ever on the Waitress down to post-partum depression from Bejeweled. I'm sure your life lost a little sparkle when the pretty jewels went away.

JustinS said...

Have you considered a career in forestry? The company I work for hires many people who do take lots of walks in the woods... Some of the work sounds mind-numbing to me (counting trees, taking soil samples, etc.), but you could hardly ask for a better office.

Never too late.

Oh, and >insert sarcastic part of comment here<.

Jacob said...

PUSA is going to be in Knoxville? When! I'd drive for that, unless my kitty rare up and scratch me through my jeans. Then I might get cat scratch fever and have to be all like, Eff you, kitty!

Good god, I spent too much time listening to that cd in high school.

And I almost forgot. I'd probably just take the thing outside and spray it down with water. That would get the dust off.

nancypearlwannabe said...

There MUST be a job out there where you can get paid to walk around in the woods.

Really? There isn't?

Well what about one where you get paid to lay on the couch reading and eating ice cream? Don't you ruin my dreams, Mickey.

em said...

i just got home from a loooooong 2 days in DC and maybe it is a comfort to know that like the 3rd thing I did upon entering my apt was check my blogs.

i am a loser.

and i love it.

email me if you twos are in town this weekend and would like to have blog drinks.

Beej said...

Did you go to the country and eat a lot of peaches?

Mickey said...

alexa- Funny comment, you liar.

julie- Lame?! Come on! I thought it was pretty good.

justins- Yeah, but they count the trees so they know how many they can sell. Yes, I buy things made of wood, but that just ain't my thing.

jacob- Shit. I thought Courtney had invited you up for the concert. Oh well.

npw- No, there is. It just doesn't agree with committed relationships with significant others who don't want to live in cabins in the middle of nowhere. And as for your dream: keep it alive.

em- Loserific.

The Modern Gal said...

I've already expressed to Courtney's blog how upset I am about missing Sundown this week, so I won't repeat it here.

Why is it so hard to find people to pay us for what we do best?