Friday, November 9, 2007

Fish in a Barrel

This one was easy. Allow me to recount for you a conversation I had yesterday with my illustrious co-worker who is taking a weight-loss pill and curbing her previously horrible eating habits in an effort to lose weight. It may help to read some of my previous posts regarding her struggle and her tenuous grip on the reality that you and I inhabit. Here’s a synopsis: Two weeks ago, after much discussion and minimal research, she decided to visit a weight-loss clinic where she was "prescribed" (the quotation marks indicate the absence of an actual doctor in the prescription process) an amphetamine called phentermine. She also, upon her first visit, received an injection of some still-unknown substance. Fast-forward to yesterday: I don’t remember how the conversation started, but we ended up talking about her pills and their effectiveness.

Me: "I know they’re supposed to suppress your appetite, but you should probably try to eat a balanced diet anyway, because you’re going to have to come off them eventually, and you’re not going to be able to keep eating lettuce and bananas indefinitely."

My illustrious co-worker: "Is that what they do?"

Me: "Is…what?"

MICW: "Is that what they do?"

Me: (acting confused but knowing full-well what she is asking, hoping that I am mistaken) "Is that what what does?"

MICW: "The pills," at which point she gives me the blankest, most vacant, expressionless stare I have ever received. It is as if for a few moments there is no person behind those slightly crossed eyes, such is the depth of her confusion and incomprehension.

Me: "I don’t know! They’re you’re pills! You told me they’re an appetite suppressant!"

MICW: "Huh." A single working neuron sparks and she turns to her computer where she links to the phentermine website from her own blog and reads aloud, "Phentermine diet pills stop hunger and boost energy, too."

Me: "See?!"

MICW: "Then why do I need the pills? I can just do that on my own."

Me: With a calm that belies both the situation and my own instinct to belittle such flagrant ignorance, I reply, "That’s what I’ve been wondering all along."

Fin.

4 comments:

nancypearlwannabe said...

Err, I was under the impression that Phentermine is no longer even available because of the effects it has on your heart?

Also, I was under the impression that in order to have a blog one must be able to form a complete, coherent sentence. Judging from your co-workers blog, maybe I was wrong on both counts.

Chris said...

I admire your calm, non-condescending response. I can see how that required a sort of superhuman self-restraint.

I withdraw my previous remark about your struggling for ideas -- yet remain interested in reading a collection of original dirty limericks (or haiku, as previously stated).

Mickey said...

NPW: I believe it's the Phen-Fen combo that was pulled because it offed some folks. Apparently the Phen part by itself has not yet been shunned by the FDA.
Chris: My last Haiku phase was in high school. I'm not averse to a re-boot, but only if I'm hurtin' for ideas. We'll see.

Courtney said...

Monkeys!

Sorry, but I had already heard this particular gem, and I had nothing else to contribute.